Gordon in the morning: Court report

There's an actual, proper news story leading off Bizarre this morning, so Gordon's let John Kay and Richard White do the heavy lifting as Liam issues a libel writ against Noel:

I HAVE taken legal action against Noel Gallagher for statements he made claiming Oasis pulled out of the 2009 V Festival Chelmsford gig because I had a hangover.

That is a lie and I want Oasis fans and others who were at V to know the truth.

I was gutted when I couldn't play the gig because I didn't want to let the fans down.

But the truth is I had laryngitis, which Noel was made fully aware of that morning, diagnosed by a doctor.

Noel also falsely stated the demise of Oasis followed a massive row in which he claimed I demanded to advertise my clothing range Pretty Green in the Oasis tour programme.

The truth is there was no such discussion or row between us.

I am used to being called all sorts of things by Noel and I have in the past said things about him. But what Noel has alleged this time went way beyond rock-and-roll banter and questioned my professionalism.

I tried to resolve this amicably but have been left with no choice but legal action. All I want is an apology.

That's Liam's explanation for why he's suing. It's not entirely clear who he thinks cares, but it's clear he couldn't resist the opportunity to push the risible sideshow deeper yet into Jeffrey-Archer-novel territory.

The pair of tireless news terriers attempt to add some meat to the bones of Liam's statement, quoting - of course - a source:

The source added: "Liam felt he had no choice but the courts. He feels a mix of anger at how he has been treated by his own elder brother and sadness it has come to this.

"Liam is an old-school rock star. I'm sure there have been times when he has taken to the stage after a big one the night before. But that night he had laryngitis.

"He lived for being the frontman of Oasis and singing in front of millions of fans."

Did I say Jeffrey Archer? It sounds a bit more like a terrible episode of Lark Rise: All 'e wanted to do was sing 'is toons, sir, and 'e would 'ave, too, 'ad 'is throat not been all broken, your 'onour.

Still, it'll be interesting to see which camp Gordon ends up throwing his weight behind as this sorry saga limps on and on over the coming the months.