Gordon in the morning: Simon Cowell goes to the movies

The story Simon Cowell tells about why he doesn't go to the pictures tells us a lot about Cowell's self-image:

The last straw came while watching Hugh play a washed-up Eighties singer in the 2007 romantic comedy Music And Lyrics.

He said: "The last time I went to the cinema publicly was for a movie where Hugh Grant was a failing singer songwriter."

To be fair, I think a lot of people saw Music And Lyrics and emerged grimly pledging that they would never, ever go to a cinema again. I think a few people in County Durham even put their own eyes out to make sure they never saw another film, even by accident.

But Cowell has different reasons for not going:

"Some people recognised me and every time his character sang a song in the movie, everyone turned around to look at me.

"I've never been so embarrassed in all my life.

"It was terrible, they looked at me as if I was going to say 'That was crap.' I was so embarrassed I had to get out of there."

Maybe this really did happen, but I can't help noticing it sounds more like a paranoiac talking - "I just felt everyone was turning at me."

Maybe Cowell was muttering "oh, no, another song! I really hope people don't expect me to give an OPINION! Like I do on television" loudly through the film, which would explain why people kept turning to stare at him and certainly fit with someone telling this story four years later.

But even if it is true, why would that stop you from going to the cinema? Couldn't you just choose movies that don't feature crappy songwriting? Is he afraid that the crowd at Dolphin Tale would be constantly nudging him and asking for an opinion on the feasibility of a prosthetic tail.

More from the X Factor-Movies axis as Gordon types up the minutes from Noel Gallagher's appearance on Christian O'Connell's Absolute breakfast show:

Noel Gallagher has spotted some similarities between Gary Barlow's judging style and Ernst Stavro Blofeld — one of 007's most famous adversaries.

He said: "Gary's sitting sideways a lot. Just like some James Bond baddie, isn't he? Where he kind of swivels round, 'Ah, yes, you're just not good enough'.

"Gary's all right, I've met him a few times, he's a good lad."

Yes, Noel Gallagher now has so little to say he's reduced to chatting about the X Factor. It's lucky for Christian; if he'd booked Noel a couple of weeks ago he'd have had three hours about how it unseasonably warm it is and what Noel's gardener had reported about effects on the fruit bushes.