Mark Wright, the face drawn on a piece of wood from The Only Way Is Essex is going to be in a movie, reports Gordon.
A movie? What sort of movie would a producer think "you know what we need for this? George Michael's death mask"?
He's going to feature alongside Tamer Hassan and Danny Dyer in a new British gangster movie.Ah, that would make sense. (Did you know they still make British gangster movies? I suppose it keeps Danny Dyer off the streets.)
It's hard to imagine how the inept stunt casting could be any worse. Hang on, what's that, Gordon?
[Mark is] playing Kelly Brook's love interest.I'm sure the queue for tickets is already forming.