Gordon in the morning: TOWIE infection jumps to movies

Mark Wright, the face drawn on a piece of wood from The Only Way Is Essex is going to be in a movie, reports Gordon.

A movie? What sort of movie would a producer think "you know what we need for this? George Michael's death mask"?

He's going to feature alongside Tamer Hassan and Danny Dyer in a new British gangster movie.

Ah, that would make sense. (Did you know they still make British gangster movies? I suppose it keeps Danny Dyer off the streets.)

It's hard to imagine how the inept stunt casting could be any worse. Hang on, what's that, Gordon?

[Mark is] playing Kelly Brook's love interest.

I'm sure the queue for tickets is already forming.

Gordon in the morning: A wing of ITV PR

There's not really much in the Bizarre pages today, which makes it all the more obvious just how badly Gordon relies on the ITV press office feeding him filler is - there's three non-stories about Dancing On Ice, and an awful bit on the launch of a post-show programme for Take Me Out. Yes, Take Me Out:

ESSEX lothario Mark Wright is on a self-imposed dating ban to keep him out of the grasp of girls on his new Take Me Out show.

This is listed as a "TV exclusive by Lucy Connolly" - I suppose it's exclusive on the basis that nobody else would touch it with a long pole:

He said: "Take Me Out girls may be looking for Mr Right — but it's not Mark Wright.

"I'm single but there is no way I am dating anyone from the show. I'm working and I am too professional. It's not happening."

Man who struggles to deliver a line in the trail for a programme on ITV2 spun off a programme on ITV which nobody watches says that he won't be dating people who haven't even shown any interest in him. That's quite an exclusive.