2013 Steps To Nowhere: August

Miley Cyrus did that thing with her butt.

In the battle between the establishment and skateboarders, Billy Bragg very much IS the man. When it comes to buying drugs, Robin Thicke very much IS the mark.

When Kelly Rowland got lost at sea, god saved her by delivering telephone infrastructure.

The poor sales of Johnny Borrell's debut solo album even saw his own label mocking him. Brandy played to a nearly empty venue, which she then tried to explain away.

Lady GaGa issued instructions on how to listen to her new album in order to derive the maximum disappointment. The Cult asked for phones to be switched off, forcibly.

PJ Proby pondered why the DWP hounded him. Megan Washington complained the airline she was paid to promote mentioned it. Mel C was outraged on Matt Cardle's behalf.

Teignbridge Council reckoned Muse could do their jobs. Doncaster Rovers signed one of out One Direction. Doctor Who owes a debt to Clare Grogan.

Bing kicked "pirates" out its search index. Bad news if anyone ever uses Bing to search for pirated content. Or, indeed, at all. Comcast thought mentioning you could pay for the content might work.

All the radio stations are owned by Nazis. Also, Beyonce is a diva.

Someone tried to sell Macca's old pants. Pete Doherty tried to sell off his own old pants.

Spotify's CEO could sense profits just around the corner. Ke$ha already had a payday after playing a fair.

Lady GaGa advises you to ignore all the bloggers.

Returning: The Flatmates
Retiring: Linda Rondstadt