Mini Liveblog: Morrissey on The One Show

Morrissey has turned up on The One Show. Good lord, he's pimping this album, isn't he? He's trying to look serious as they mop up a "unemployed? why not try the Job centre" piece.

The One Show team are stressing there's no shame in going to the Job Centre. "Dignified, for want of a better word." The consensus seems to be that blue collar people needed to be treated badly.

Mozzer reminisces about being unemployed - "I was happy, I didn't want to have a job. These days, it gets you into trouble."

Adrian Chiles suggests we should sympathise with white collar workers coming to grips with the loss of success. "Therefore, why sympathise with them?"

Moz's idea for the newly unemployed? "Why not just paint"?

7.10
They're now playing a montage of famous people (and Jeremy Vine) explaining why they loved The Smiths. One of the shouty Masterchef blokes is thrilled that he doesn't "even iron his shirt" and Frank Skinner trots out the "some of his lyrics are very funny." Yes, they are, aren't they?

David Cameron pops up - "I'm sure when Morrissey finds out he's getting an endorsement from the leader of the Conservative party, he'll think 'heaven knows, I'm miserable now'". Do you see what he did?

Morrissey pretends to not have realised the fans had been talking about him. "Is it me?"

"I get the sense that people [my fans] are there for life."

"I don't know about enjoying it, I just carry on..."

There's a clip of the video - "I don't do what I'm told, but I let someone hammer the storyboard together."

On songwriting: "I've been on the line for years. Does it get easier or harder? It remains the same."

How do you describe yourself? "I don't... let's go back to unemployment."

"We're going on to architectural history" says Adrian.
"That's why I'm here" joshes the Mozz.

7.15
They've just watched a film about the olden days in Birmingham, and now they're showing Morrissey's old house.

"We occupied four houses - we were the clan who ruled the place."
Chiles: Were they knocked through like the Beatles in Help?
Morrissey wafts him away, before going on to name the Blows, the rough family at the end of the street. Adrian invites them to get in touch if they want to counter Morrissey's memories of them.

"It was a very hard place, it shaped me" - and Morrissey had to be up at four in the morning to go down the pit.

7.20
The bloke with the beard off What The Ancients Did For Us is showing us how amazing our bodies are, what with drummers being able to do different things at the same time. Bloody hell, is he claiming that drummers are some sort of master race?

7.25
Morrissey pointedly not joining in the 'put your right leg over your left leg and draw a circle with your toe' fun.

"I could do both. If there was time."

Bloke with beard offers advice for blocked noses. Morrissey looks alarmed.

Now he's starting to look pained.

Plug for the new album - "where did you get that little kid from?" asks Adrian. "He belongs to a friend of mine..."

Liveblog: Michael Stipe on The One Show

Somewhat oddly, Michael Stipe is guesting on NuNationwide this evening.

Adrian Chiles - freshly back from Beijing - asks Stipe about the Olympic legacy in Atlanta: Have they forgotten about the Olympics?

"Yeah, pretty much... I know The rents went up and didn't come back down again..."

TVAM veteran and Tory teddybear hugger Giles Brandereth has delivered a report on rich people who give away their fortunes rather than pass the money on to their kids.

Christine Blakeley says how much she admires people who give money secretly; Giles says that entrepreneurs think their kids would be better off without anything. Adrian points out that giving away "all" but fifty million isn't really leaving yourself short, while Stipe looks awkward.

"I give away money but don't talk about it. I'm not a christian but I come from a Christian background and you don't talk about your philanthropy..."

"So, what do you give to?" asks Adrian.

Stipe vaguely says they do a lot here and there, before flashing up a photo of him and Bono. "We're great friends" says Stipe "and through him I've met people like Bill Gates."

They play a video to get Brandereth off the sofa; Chiles chides Stipe over an anti-TV line in the new single. "It's about our president" says Michael, explaining it's about GWB "desecrating" the memory of Martin Luther King.

Blakeley leads him into a few blandishments about Michelle Obama before pronouncing Barack "exceptional". "I think he's going to make it" to the White House "and it will be a better day for all of us."

There's some nice Old Grey Whistle Test clippage - "I remember that... I had hair - it covered the scars..."

"It doesn't take you long to get ready in the morning" chirrups Christine.

Adrian asks if the appetite is still there for touring - luckily, yes, says Michael. Who's here to sell tour tickets, of course. But this is all a lead-in to a piece by Phil Tuffnel on red sheep by the side of the M8.

Tuffers complains that most road statues are up north. Stipe is starting to look like he wishes they'd checked the programme before signing up to come on, as they show him some on the road pictures and ask him to comment: "do you shave all your head before you go on stage?"

Miranda thingy off Coast rolls round for her series on butterflies - "this is the bad boy of the butterfly world" warns Adrian. It's "the dreaded cabbage white", it turns out.

Michael Stipe is now blinking at the gardening woman who follows the film about how great cabbage whites are by saying that she squirts them.

I think he was trying to stay awake - he looks like he could quite easily drift off. Adrian makes a good attempt to include him in things - "would you like to sniff a budleia?" - before giving him a chance to plug the next date in Twickenham.

Michael doesn't have to play, though - they've got a tribute banned (called Stipe) in to do the honours. They do That's The End Of The Show As We Know It. Stipe looks like he hopes he looks like he's enjoying it.

And that's it... on with EastEnders.