Richard Desmond plots an impossible dream

With his hands almost certainly to grab Channel Five, Richard Desmond has plans. The former wankmagnate and current owner of porn TV channels has a dream, according to MediaGuardian:

Richard Desmond has told colleagues he would like to revive Top of the Pops, which was shelved by the BBC in 2006 after 42 years, if he buys Five. He wants to create a series of landmark shows in peak time and believes a live music programme would win a big audience.

Except, of course, Top Of The Pops didn't win a big audience, which was why the BBC shelved it. Mind you, what was underperformance for BBC One and Two might look like a golden jewel amongst... whatever it is that Channel Five does these days. Is it still showing Fast Forward?

The other problem is that Top Of The Pops isn't actually in play. MediaGuardian speculates:

If he does press ahead with plans for a music show, Desmond may simply dust down the format and choose a different name.

Ah. So rather than brining back Top Of The Pops, effectively Desmond is planning to rebuild The Roxy.

Which one was Posh Kaiser again?

The Kaiser Chiefs are allowing themselves to help market one of Channel Five's digital networks, because they're young and hip and, you know, cutting edge.

This does remind me of something... didn't another young, thrusting band help with the branding of Channel 5?



Of course, Channel 5 isn't so bothered about credibility any more.

Brownstorm

On his interview with ten year-olds, part of the celebration of Channel Five's ten viewers ("years on air"), Gordon Brown reveals the truth about his love of the Arctic Monkeys.

Someone asked him "do you like the Arctic Monkeys?"; he said "they're so loud, at least they'd get you up in the morning"; which, by the time it arrived in the papers, was "Gordon Brown says he wakes up to the Arctic Monkeys."

So... Shed Seven, is it, Gordon?

Christian faith

We thought giving Chris Moyles a chatshow was odd. We thought sacking him and replacing him with the notoriously mirth-free Christian O'Connell rather like taking off the handbrake in order to swap for a giant parachute-brake instead.

We seem to have been right.

Here is the injury... do you want an insult with that?

Useless waste of space Chris Moyles has had his TFI Clone show on Five axed. He's being replaced by former Juice FM breakfast corpse Christian O'Connell. O'Connell, who's since gone on to X-FM (presumably to avoid the station challenging parent company Capital's Chris Tarrant at Breakfast) will presumably be doing much the same thing, but at a quarter of the cost.