Kelly Osbourne tats tidied

Kelly Osbourne was surprised when she saw the publicity material for her stint in Chicago, the home for broken careers. No, she wasn't surprised she'd been cast in a musical, but that they'd airbrushed out her tattoos:

"It's a bit daft as everyone knows I have them. But I won't cover them up for the show - I'm very proud of them."

We've never quite seen why you'd be "proud" of a tattoo, since all it is is something someone else has done to you: it's like a piece of canvas taking pride in what an artist has painted upon it. Only not quite the same, as canvas doesn't actually pay the artist.

And we love the idea that Kelly really believes people will see the pictures and register that her apparently world-famous tattoos were missing, as if they were seeing a picture of the House of Parliament with Big Ben blotted out.

Even if people did notice, surely they'd assume that, since Osbourne is meant to be playing a woman from the 1920s, she'd probably covered up the tattoos herself on the grounds that the woman she's portraying would hardly be likely to be covered in multi-colour anchors and half-hearted wings in that decade.

Osbourne hasn't really got the whole point of "acting is pretending to be someone else", has she?

Apres Moulin, le deluge

Oh good. The success of Moulin Rouge and, latterly, Chicago, is set to swamp cinemas with a load of pisspoor musicals. And, as is common in the music world at the moment, rather than create something new, old stuff is being dusted down and remakes are seen as the way forward. For example, Ashanti is lined up to appear in a remake of Sparkle (What Irene Cara did before 'Fame' and, indeed, fame.)

We're waiting for Kelly Osbourne to announce her lead role in a new version of the Sound of Music, with the action relocated from Nazi-era Austria to 90's Kuwait.

The same old tricks, why should we care?

Macy Gray, Lil' Kim and Queen Latifah attempt to ride the coattails of Moulin Rouge ("team up for Chicago track").