Michael Jackson loved UK gun laws, apparently

Did the UK's relatively tight gun legislation lead to Michael Jackson choosing London for the comeback that never happened?

Yes, according to Jason Pfeiffer.

Hang on, who's Jason Pfeiffer?

Jackson's friend and dermatologist

Ah. Well, that makes sense. Who knows our secrets better than the person who writes the prescription for face cream, eh?

Tell us more, Jason:

"The last time I saw him he ways saying his goodbyes to everyone in the office," Pfeiffer told The Sun.

This really does sound like in the construction "friend and dermatologist", the skin care was much more significant than the friendship.

"It was like he knew he was never coming back, and he would often say he thought he was going to be shot on stage.

"He said the comeback was in England due to the gun laws there.

"That's why he ditched a US comeback as people had access to guns here and would shoot him. He thought America was too dangerous.

"But he still had some fears that he would be shot on stage."

I hope nobody ever showed him Velvet Goldmine.

Happily, Michael wasn't shot on stage. Although the amount of painkiller swilling round his system, he probably wouldn't have noticed if he had been.

Jackson's doctor just wants to say thank you

Given that whole being-implicated-in-the-death-of-his-most-famous-client business, Doctor Conrad Murray is having trouble keeping in touch with family, friends and people who don't believe he could have done anything wrong and could they just get a little extra demerol, doc?

So, he's done what any one of us would have done, and popped a video on YouTube to say sorry and thank you:

“I want to thank all of my patients and friends who have sent such kind e-mails, letters and messages to let me know of your support and prayers for me and my family. Because of all that is going on, I am afraid to return phone calls or use my e-mail. Therefore I recorded this video to let all of you know that I have been receiving your messages. I have not been able to thank you personally which as you know is not normal for me. Your messages give me strength and courage and keep me going. They mean the world to me.”

... oh, yeah, and the innocence thing. Being, you know, innocent of nearly everything - that keeps me going, too.