Michael Jackson loved UK gun laws, apparently

Did the UK's relatively tight gun legislation lead to Michael Jackson choosing London for the comeback that never happened?

Yes, according to Jason Pfeiffer.

Hang on, who's Jason Pfeiffer?

Jackson's friend and dermatologist

Ah. Well, that makes sense. Who knows our secrets better than the person who writes the prescription for face cream, eh?

Tell us more, Jason:

"The last time I saw him he ways saying his goodbyes to everyone in the office," Pfeiffer told The Sun.

This really does sound like in the construction "friend and dermatologist", the skin care was much more significant than the friendship.

"It was like he knew he was never coming back, and he would often say he thought he was going to be shot on stage.

"He said the comeback was in England due to the gun laws there.

"That's why he ditched a US comeback as people had access to guns here and would shoot him. He thought America was too dangerous.

"But he still had some fears that he would be shot on stage."

I hope nobody ever showed him Velvet Goldmine.

Happily, Michael wasn't shot on stage. Although the amount of painkiller swilling round his system, he probably wouldn't have noticed if he had been.