Geri Halliwell is up on the latest trends

I just bought some vinyl - it's coming back

— Geri Halliwell (@GeriHalliwell) December 24, 2014

Good news, then, Geri: you can buy back the purple vinyl dress you wore on Noel's House Party in 1997.

A decade too late, Geri

That Geri Halliwell is having singing lessons is encouraging to all of us - you're never too old, it seems, to try and develop a talent you've never had before.

But let's take a moment to enjoy the majesty of Raj Singh's introduction to his story:

GERI HALLIWELL wants 2 Become 1 of the best SPICE GIRLS for their reunion tour.

We bet it was a toss up between that and "Geri Wannabe the best...". But "one of the best Spice Girls"? Doesn't she just need to turn up to be in the top five?

Geri fawning

Almost as soon as the Spice Girls reunion had been announced, Bizarre turned into one of those of spoof apologies from Private Eye: "We, along with other newspaper gossip columns, may have given the impression that Geri Halliwell was a washed-up nobody. However, we now realise..."

Today, thought, it reaches such new heights as Victoria Newton portrays a Geri who was the heart of the old Spice Girls, and who was human enough to show how much she really wanted a second chance:

WITHOUT GERI HALLIWELL there would have been no SPICE GIRLS.

She was the driving force behind the world-conquering band and after she quit the rest found that when Five Became Four, it didn’t work.

So it should come as no surprise to learn that it was Geri who worked behind the scenes to get the warring Spice Girls back together for their worldwide comeback.

Geri the driving force behind the Spice Girls? We're not quite sure how or why she was able to recruit herself through a newspaper advert, but since Newton is writing about her as if under some form of hypnosis, maybe she has greater powers than we have imagined:

A top-level source in the Spice Girls’ inner sanctum — talking on condition of anonymity — told me yesterday: “Geri began getting in contact with Victoria again in 2004. She knew how hurt Victoria was but she also knew how to push the right buttons.

“Geri broke down in front of Victoria, apologised for leaving the band in the way she did and begged for her forgiveness.

“She also told Victoria how awful her life was at the time. She was lonely, confused, didn’t have a man and didn’t even have a place to call home. Victoria started to feel sorry for Geri.”

So, Geri - the cold one who left - is suddenly being reborn as a vital force of nature who was emotionally invested in the reunion, while icebitch queen Victoria discovers compassion.

So maybe it's not the money - perhaps the deal Fuller cut was to use the leverage of exclusives on the Spice tour to relocate the Girls' press image.

I well remember one of my first few encounters with Geri.

She gave me a lecture on Girl Power and told me not to take any “shit” from men in the office.

She was feisty, charming and full of energy. But most of all she was desperate to be loved.

That desperation stems from her childhood.

Surely that can be the only explanation for this drivel, which runs at almost the same length as Newton's Al Gore hagiography from a week or so back.

A well-placed Spice source told me in a phone call yesterday: “Geri was the leader of the band, the one who bossed the others around and really organised everything.

"So when she went on tour and struggled with the choreography the other girls got their revenge by giving her a hard time.

“The same thing could happen all over again this time round.”

I hope for Geri’s sake it doesn’t.

I’ve always had a soft spot for her, even if she is bit mad. She wouldn’t be a Spice Girl if she wasn’t!

Tomorrow, then: Melanie Brown - the demure brains of the band.