When Beckham acts

So, there was something quite triumphant about Victoria Beckham's cameo in Ugly Betty after all. Watching it straight after Anne Widdecombe's marshalling of Have I Got News For You, it made Widdy look like the greatest comedy talent in the world.

The Betty team went wrong giving her lines: it's perhaps heartbreaking that Beckham is incapable of playing herself convincingly, but at least if all she had to do was wave and stand up, she'd have got away with it.

You do wonder if the 'Beckham locked in a cupboard' part of the episode was the result of a quick rewrite having seen her mangle her lines in earlier scenes. "Oh, bugger, just lock her in a cupboard..."

It says a lot about stage schools that, despite not having gone to one, Vera Wang out-performed Beckham, who had.

Fans of Beckham's acting will also have had the pleasure of the Tesco advert appearing. We're not quite sure we understand this: the five Spices independently turn up at the same branch of Tesco at the same time, and try to hid from each other. But why? Are they ashamed of being seen in Tesco? And if that's the point, why would Tesco have spent a fortune creating an advert suggesting that its stores are the sort of place where even Mel C would be embarrassed to be shopping in? Is their big Christmas message really supposed to be "Go on, try the Co-Op; you can hold your head up in there"?

The underwhelming nature of the Tescos ad has, at least, allowed me to find some rare common ground with Kerry Katona. She's not impressed, either:

"I know it's competition for my Iceland adverts, but it's not as good as mine, so it's fine."

Well, that's going a little far, Kerry. It's not that rotten.

Lucky lisp

Possible last word (until the German judge says "for two years") on the Liam affair went to Paul Merton on last night's Have I Got News For You? - "It's his John Lennon obsession - he's trying to get himself shot."

btw: If Liza Tarbuck doesn't get the callback, there's no justice in the world.