Gordon in the morning: Home o'intolerance, home o'phobia

This is tiresome:

Pineapple Dance Studios star Louie, or Louise as I like to call him

Do you see? Because he's gay, Gordon has given him a woman's name.

Yes, that's tiresome. But this is unacceptable:

Bender it like Beckham

You can't throw a word like "bender" into a headline about a gay man. Not in a newspaper that still pretends it has any sort of standards. Homophobic name-calling isn't the same as a witty headline.

The "story" - which is about Louie Spence being invited to spend the night with the Beckhams, apparently blissfully unaware he was being patronised - throws this up, though:

And the shenanigans left Posh with another howler of a hangover as she turned up yesterday morning for a session designing new Range Rovers.

I'd love to think they were making her come up with a more efficient crankshaft. Somehow, though, I suspect she'll just be pointing at a shade of paint.

Robbie Williams is not an old lady who only used it for going to church

Who knew that a Smart car briefly owned, and never driven, by Robbie Williams might have difficulty finding a market? Sam Judah bought the car off Williams last August, and has been trying to flog it ever since. It was left unloved on eBay; now it's turned up in AutoTrader:

“The first time bidding went mad but people just wanted to take pictures, no one wanted to buy it. I’m hoping now it’s coming into summer I’ll have a few serious buyers.”

Because, of course, you can't sell a car in Autumn. That's why car lots are closed in mid-September until Easter at the earliest. Oh, hang on, that's holiday camps, isn't it?