Azealia Banks issues half-apology written by her PR team

You'll recall that last time we came across Azealia Banks, the Zac Goldsmith of pop had taken to Twitter to call Zayn Malik a "curry scented bitch".

Well, her PR team have found enough space between updating their LinkedIn profiles to get an apology of sorts out via Instagram.

Instagram might seem an odd choice, but it's one of the few social networks Banks is welcome on at the moment.

How has it taken so long for this apology to appear? It turns out being racist and homophobic is something you have to spend some time thinking about:

Now that the immediacy of the infamous incident has worn off, I've had some time to decompress & take a more rational assessment of things.

You just know you're being set up for a bullshit empty apology-shaped hole when the person won't even mention what they're supposedly sorry for.

But, yeah, you've had the best part of a week to "rationally assess" attacking someone using racist and homophobic language. What did you come up with?

I want to extend my sincerest apologies to the world

Not specifically to Zayn, the man she insulted, you'll note, but - hey - he's part of the world, right?

Employing racial/sexual slurs/stereotypes in attempts to make fun of or degrade another person or group is not fair or fun for anyone

To be honest, Azealia, you did look like you were having a lot of fun doing it while it was happening.

Allowing my anger to get the best of me, I’ve managed to insult millions of people without reason. And for that I give my deepest apologies.

Ah, so it wasn't Azealia's fault, really; it was just that she got angry she turned into a racist homophobic shit. She's kind of a Hulk/Trump hybrid, it turns out.

And the whole "curry-scented" thing? Why, that wasn't meant to be insulting at all. It's just good old fashioned humour:

She said she was repeating a joke from her native New York – where nearly half of cab drivers were born in Bangladesh, India or Pakistan – that taxis smelled like curry.

“I feel compelled to clear the air with curry itself because that’s a bridge I don’t want to burn. I still want to be able to enjoy it freely without guilt or judgment,” she wrote.

So, during this heartfelt apology to the world in general, the only entity which got a direct sorry was a foodstuff. Maybe she meant it was heartburn apology.

Trouble with this is that the "joke" that taxis smell of curry is racist in itself, so you're only saying that you were being derivatively unpleasant rather than creatively unpleasant. And as Zayn isn't actually a taxi, neither the joke nor the explanation makes sense anyway.

Doesn't really work as an apology, does it?

Azeailia Banks: Pretty unpleasant

It's not simply that Azeailia Banks managed to cram quite so much racism and homophobia into her tweets to Zayn Malik; it's the way she discovered to double-down on them:

Throughout the day Banks has continued to argue with people on Twitter about her rant adding even more offensive content to her stream of tweets.

The rapper even went live on Periscope where she continued her heavily racist rant against Malik, saying how he had been kicked out of One Direction for being a "brown b****".

It's to Rinse's credit that they've uninvited her from the Born & Bred festival:

After increasing calls upon the festival's organisers to remove Banks, who was due to headline the festival's second day, from the bill, they have now responded with a statement saying: "We have decided to cancel Azealia Banks' appearance at Rinse | Born & Bred Festival. Rinse | Born & Bred is a celebration of rave culture and has been created for EVERYONE. We celebrate inclusivity and equality."

Her name has now been removed from the festival's website and replaced by a blank space.

After the over-crammed suitcase of shit Banks has been pushing into the crowds this last day or so, a blank space has never been more welcome.

Chris Moyles tries to distance 'some of my best friends' style comment by saying he's aware it's a 'some of my best friends' comment

Miranda Sawyer delivered a sympathetic interview with Chris Moyles for yesterday's Observer; she was firm with him and, for his part, he came across warmer than he has for quite a while. Although he still tried to skip the difficult questions:

I ask him about being involved in a tax avoidance scheme, and he gets frustrated again. He gives me a very long explanation that boils down to: he thought it was OK and it turned out it wasn’t and he paid it back in full.

Yeah. Because if you're claiming tax for being a second-hand car salesperson, and you don't sell cars, what possible reason for thinking it might be dodgy could there be?

Sawyer talks about sexuality, and his apparent problems with it, and as in the past he reaches for his transgender friend as proof that he can't possibly be homophobic. He's tried this tack in the past, and has been derided for such an obvious "some of my best friends are..." pitch; but he seems to have come up with an answer for that:

“I’m not homophobic, but what can I say about that?” he says. “Whatever I say sounds like ‘some of my best friends are black’. Christ almighty, one of my best friends came out a couple of years ago as transgender. Simon is now Steph, which is fine. But I don’t know what to say about that. Because if I say the wrong thing, I’ll be crucified in Leicester Square.”

The trouble is, having gay friends doesn't 'prove' that you're not gay; not really knowing the difference between transgender people and gay people doesn't entirely make the case any stronger.

Let's just remind ourselves of Moyles' Will Young joke, shall we?

During the imitation the presenter adopted an effeminate and high pitched
voice.

When singing his alternative version of ‘Evergreen’, Chris Moyles broadcast the
lyrics: “It’s my birthday, gonna wear my new dress tonight. And I smell nice. I’ve had
a shower and I’ve shaved my legs. Going out later, might go to Nob-oooh for dinner.”

During the alternative version of ‘Leave Right Now’, Chris Moyles broadcast the
lyrics: “Oooh Will Young here, mmmmh. I’m here, it’s Will’s birthday and as the years
go by I get more very gay. When you saw me years ago you didn’t know, but now I’m
the gayest fella you probably know. mmm I like to wear a silly hat, I get camper by
the hour, oh would you look at the muck in here. I’m Will Young and I’m gay.”

But it's okay, because he's got one friend who is a transgender person.

I think all that really proves, Chris, is that Steph is more tolerant than you are.

Lil Boosie apparently has a problem that isn't ours

Lil Boosie - who, clearly, was at the back of the queue when hip hop handles were being handed out - has a problem with All The Gays on his TV:

Since I’ve came home ever time I turn on the Tv some gay sh*t on I try to watch love n hip hop (gay sh*t)tried to watch empire (gay sh*t) walked n on a cartoon doing gay sh*t a f*ckin cartoon kids watch tv,” he wrote.

The rapper added, “I guess next they go have a f*cking gay channel for kids saying if U want to be gay watch this tune n smh f*cked up world n my eyes ( but everybody don’t agree smh).

This from his Instagram account.

Oh, where to begin? Where to begin? Poor Lil Boosie, just wants to watch TV and there's a cartoon doing gay shit which kids might watch. WON'T SOMEONE THINK OF THE CHILDREN?

Boosie is 33 - which explains why he prefers not to be known as Lil Boosie any more, although as a man in his 30s his preferred name, Boosie Badazz, is even more toe-curling. Also, it's sad, being 33 and still not knowing that (a) gay things happen and (b) if you really are that uptight, you can switch off the TV and (c) that if you don't want to switch off your TV, that's okay, because gay, bi and other queer themes are still rarer than anyone who actually gives a shit about what Lil Boosie thinks about TV.

Funny. He's worrying about kids perhaps seeing that it's okay to be gay. This from a man who cheerfully makes songs about shooting people out of revenge. Funny, that.

Ten Walls tiresome homophobe; says he isn't

Ah, Ten Walls. After people got upset with your queerbashy Facebook post, you issued one of those not-really-apologies:

‘I want to apologize for the former post in my account. I am really sorry about its insulting content which does not reflect my true opinion. I hope this misunderstanding will not provoke any more thoughts and opinions. Peace.

Ah, do you hope that this "misunderstanding" will not provoke any more thoughts? Do you?

Sorry about that, Mr Walls, because the first thought that is provoked is 'well, let's look at what it was that was "misunderstood" given that you haven't exactly cleared things up by explaining what your actual views are'.

‘I remember producing music for one Lithuanian musician, who tried to wash my brain that I don’t need to be so conservative and intolerant about them.

‘When I asked him “what would you do if you realized that your 16-year-old son’s browny (anus) is ripped by his boyfriend?” Well he was silent.’

He goes on to say in ‘the good 90s… these people of different breed where fixed’.

And the post likened homosexuality to pedophile abuse by Catholic priests.

‘One of my first gigs in Ireland, on my way to [my] hotel I saw a church with a fence decorated with hundreds of baby shoes. Naturally I wondered why?

‘Unfortunately a priest’s lie for many years was uncovered when children were massively raped.

‘Unfortunately the people of other breed continue to do it and everyone knows it but does nothing.’

I'm guessing the reason the musician was silent when you said 'what if your son had his arse ripped open' was for the same reason most people are quiet when they're harangued by a hate-filled idiot - they're working out where the nearest exit is and slowly plotting an escape.

Still, you can see why Ten Walls is hoping that people won't think about that post any more, because the more you think about it, the harder it is to see how 'different breed' and the conflation of violent, abusive rapists and people who have sex with others who share their gender could have been 'misunderstood'.

Fort Romeau has had some opinions, too:

I was due to support Ten Walls at Koko, London in November, in light of recent comments made by him on Facebook I have decided to cancel.

Its easy to romanticise electronic music culture and imagine it as a bastion of social liberalism and progressive ideology but the reality is that it simply reflects the larger social context where homophobia and (particularly) sexism are normalised and worse, codified into law. [...] Clearly there is a long way to go. Until legal parity is accorded no snappy neo-liberal sloganeering about “freedom” and “individuality” really means anything.

so while cancelling one gig is hardly going to change the world, it does stand as a personal rejection of bigotry, fear and intolerance.

Bookmarks: Katy Perry

I missed this when it was first published just after the Superbowl - Gabrielle Korn on how Katy Perry gets away with homophobia:

She gets away with an entitled, IDGAF-what-you-think brand of homophobia while also appointing herself a spokesperson for LGBTQ rights. It's like there's this pressure to laugh at her gay jokes because she insists she means well. If you take her homophobia too seriously, it's on you for being uptight: Kind of like how I wasn't allowed to be offended when men sang it to me on the street. It was just all in good fun.

Wilco nix Indiana

Following Indiana's decision to legalise homophobia providing you can pretend it's because of your conscience, Wilco have pulled their Indianapolis gig:

We're canceling our 5/7 show in Indianapolis. “Indiana Religious Freedom Restoration Act” feels like thinly disguised legal discrimination.

— WILCO (@Wilco) March 30, 2015

Azealia Banks: Having a vagina makes it impossible to be a homophobe

The second story in a row about a straight person explaining why their apparent homophobia doesn't count. It is still 2015, right?

This time, its Azealia Banks - the most-successful pop star with a name that sounds like a dementia care home - who got caught in a Twitter row with a Vice writer. The whole thing is rather grim, but boils down to this:

You gay bloggers try waving the homophobia flag like at me like women are not the original source of all things fabulous feminine and clever. I own all this.

Hidden in there is an argument that suggests that it's alright to use "twink" as a term of abuse, if you're a woman, because they're feminized men and so that femininity belongs to women.

Yes, I know. I know. But here's where what is merely incoherent becomes quite incredible:

do you know that I am woman and I invented everything feminine? Including giving birth to gay men?

I've checked wikipedia twice now, and can't see the names of Azealia Banks' gay children, and I'm pretty certain her given age of 23 makes the invention of everything feminine unlikely.

Look, I don't think any of us have the energy to raise the questions about the confusion of gender, the stereotyping of gay sexuality, or even the suggestion that possession of a vagina makes it impossible for charges of homophobia to stick.

Anyway, Banks has now moved on to a spot of whiteface, and some more considered thoughts on modern queer politics:

Gay media has to stop using homophobia as a means to try and victimize itself and scar the names of its opponents… Phobia would imply that I am scared of gay men or dislike them because of what they choose to do sexually… I promise, no one gives a f*ck what u decide to do in your private lives. But I also promise, that no matter how bitchy and clever you think you are.. That I will out-bitch you… But I’m just going to ignore yall from here on out cause YALL are really just reaching and looking for any reason to insert ur selves In the Azealia Banks story.

No, Azealia. Nobody is trying to insert themselves into your narrative. They just wish it wasn't constantly entwining with their own.

Tatu still managing to upset gay people in 2014

For a very long time, one of the most-read pieces on No Rock And Roll Fun has been the one where Tatu broke off from filming videos of themselves snogging in the pouring rain to ask why everyone thought they were gay.

I think, nine years down the line, it's still puzzling Yulia, as she's now going to extraordinary lengths to distance herself a bit further from That Sort Of Thing, mainly by coming out as a flaming bigot:

Volkova has now revealed that her support for gay rights have since waned and says she would not accept her son if her were gay.

"Yes, I would condemn him, because I believe that a real man must be a real man," she said. "God created man for procreation, it is the nature. The man for me is the support, the strength of... I won't accept a gay son."

The idea of not accepting a gay son, in the way one might refuse to sign for a delivery of chipboard.

Obviously, we don't need to waste much time engaging with the substance of Yulia's homophobia, or her theology. Or her, much.

But you might be wondering 'hey, didn't Tatu at least try and salvage their image the last time round by making some token support for LGBT issues? Isn't this making her look not only like a terrible, terrible person, but one who is perhaps suggesting that was all less than genuine?'

And you'd be right.

But Yulia has a workaround. Let's hear it, Yulia:

She was quick to add that her views aren’t at odds with her previous work; lesbians are a more acceptable form of sexuality than gay men, she claims, because women are "aesthetically nicer".

Okay, when I said we don't need to spend much time engaging with Yulia's substance, I might have been wrong.

Because she seems to be implying that lesbianism is absolutely fine, because women are nice to look at, the logic appears to suggest that she's looked at some cocks and decided they're pretty poorly designed.

From this, she's rationalised that since nobody would want to engage with something so ridgy, and thrusting, and dribbly-when-enraged, and coloured with a purple that Dulux has never tried to recreate, the only possible reason you'd want to go near one would be, reluctantly, to make a baby. And if there's not going to be a baby coming out of the encounter, why would you bother?

Winningly, Yulia has managed to invert one of the stock pieces of lazy gay stereotyping - that they're all aesthetes - and turned it on its head to suggest that for two men to enjoy their company when they're naked, those men would have to have no sense of style or taste at all.

So is Yulia right that acts of same-sex activity can pervert society? Actually, yes, in one very specific way.

Because, although All The Things She Said was a cracking pop song, without the video it would probably have been overlooked, and by now Tatu would, as a band, be too obscure a reference for Pointless and probably only deployed during the latter stages of Only Connect, if at all. Ironically, we could all probably be moving on without having to worry about what a spiteful Russian woman thought about men who have sex with men if that woman hadn't spent time snogging another woman in the rain, in front of a camera, a decade ago.

That might be, uniquely, the one piece of same-sex activity we'd all have been better off without.

Liam Payne sends tweet praising gay-hostile clan; seems surprised at outcome

Liam Payne out of One Direction sent a cheery tweet to Duck Dynasty on Saturday:

@williebosshog huge love to you/your family huge respect for your business prosperities and the family values you still all behold. big fan

— Liam Payne (@Real_Liam_Payne) January 18, 2014

This is one of those innocent looking tweets which falls firmly into the ill-advised part of the behaviour spectrum, what with Phil Robertson out of Duck Dynasty having shared his views on homosexuality a few weeks back:

“Start with homosexual behavior and just morph out from there. Bestiality, sleeping around with this woman and that woman and that woman and those men," Robertson said before paraphrasing a Bible verse. "Don’t be deceived. Neither the adulterers, the idolaters, the male prostitutes, the homosexual offenders, the greedy, the drunkards, the slanderers, the swindlers — they won’t inherit the kingdom of God. Don’t deceive yourself. It’s not right.”

So, is Liam endorsing this homophobic bullshit?

Of course not, or at least the tweet doesn't have any evidence of that. Bless him, he's not likely to be appearing on Celebrity Mastermind any time soon, and it's probable that he was just sending a friendly tweet to another unfathomably popular person who had their faces on Christmas wrapping paper this year.

No, really:

However, even Liam must have spotted all the "proud to be a redneck" guff and might have wanted to think twice before praising a group who not only don't believe in evolution but appear to be trying their hardest to reverse it.

But what's done is done, and since Liam can't take the warm greeting back, all he needs to do is explain what he was thinking.

So, Liam. You're a fan of Duck Dynasty. They're a bit homophobic, and some parts of the internet believe that you're endorsing their views.

"Oh my god can someone literally not be a fan if a show without bring labeled WTf I bought dinner the other day it made a news story.

It's unquestionably true that, as part of those piles of money you keep getting, there's an almost intolerable level of interest in your doings.

You might think that if you go out and buy a burrito and that gets picked over, that'd make you think carefully about saying 'you know what I like? That show where everyone threatened to pull out if the network suspended the guy who said that being gay was like fucking animals', so I'm not sure pretending to be Vicky Pollard here is going to help.

"What I gotta do to please you bastards I'm a 20 year old just living life as you did when u where twenty but in extraordinary circumstances.

Yeah. Quite a lot of people who are twenty are quite a way through their degree, Liam. If you were thirteen, or eight, "I am so young" could be fair enough. But twenty years old?

"I can't do anything without being judged u try that and write about it."

Again, if this was about the supper you chose the other night, you might have a fair point. But this is hugging a group who have trilled that black people were happier before the civil rights moment. I think it's the sort of thing you might expect observers to have a view about.

"Sick of all this bull il be back again when the freedom of speech law is back and people don't believe to much into the bulls*** they read."

Aaaaaah. Freedom of speech law. That'd be the law that you and Phil Robertson from Duck Dynasty are free to say whatever they like, but nobody else has the right to call you on it.

There's not much indication he understands why people might want to ask him for clarification on his views.

There's not much evidence there was much thought at all.

James Arthur isn't a homophobe any more

Perhaps he's been to one of those places where they pray your gay(hatred) away, as James Arthur isn't a homophobe any more:

"This one will hopefully get played on the radio," the tattooed Middlesbrough lad in the Deirdre Barlow specs says, introducing new single Get Down, "'cause I'm not a homophobe any more."

He's joking, of course. Because, after all, he insisted that he wasn't a homophobe in the first place, because homophobic bullshit somehow doesn't count if it's in a shit rap.

James Arthur isn't a homophobe any more. No more than he was, anyway.

Robbie Williams: I am the 49%

And while we're going through the pile marked "people saying stupid things about homosexuality", it would be wrong to let any more time slide by without recording Robbie Williams' contribution to sexuality studies:

In an interview with the Daily Star, he said: "I love musical theatre and a lot of the other things that are often associated with gays. I am 49% homosexual and sometimes as far as 50%.

I know what you're wondering: How come Williams doesn't score any higher?

However, that would imply that I enjoy having a particular sort of fun, which I don't.

I believe some straight people have expressed surprise at this discovery that the final exam before you get your gay certification works like this, but it's true. Growing up, we've all, surely, had to comfort someone who had put in the hours rimming, cruising, fisting and bitching but failed to get a pass mark because they did poorly on the Rogers And Hammerstein paper. "Sorry, Tom, you know the rules - you might have aced the practical, but if you can't remember the order of the Favourite Things, you're not gay-worthy."

Robbie: Being gay isn't about "liking musical theatre". God only knows what you've got on your list of of "other things associated with the gays" are, but I don't think it matters. Like rimming, cruising, fisting and bitching, those activities like musical theatre and those other things in your mind? They're things that some gay people might do - equally, they're things that some straight people do. Bisexuals do them, too. And pansexuals. But they don't define your sexual orientation.

ITV apparently OK with James Arthur's homophobia

Here's a surprise: homophobic tosser James Arthur is due to appear on The X Factor this Sunday, and ITV are okay with that:

A spokesperson says, "Both Itv and the producers of The X Factor would like to make it clear that in no way do we support, condone or share any form of homophobia or discrimination.

"Following his comments James has since apologised last week, making it clear that he did not mean to cause any offence and explaining the context behind his remarks."

Yes, ITV seem to be endorsing Arthur's tortuous 'it's not hateful providing you know the guy you're calling a fucking queer is straight' logic.

The odd thing, though, is that when Coronation Street's Chris Fountain was revealed to have pushed an ill-advised rap video to the internet, ITV were less forgiving:

An ITV spokesperson said: "Chris Fountain's contract with ITV has been terminated as a result of the unacceptable comments he made in a number of online clips."

But Chris Fountain also "explained the context", said he didn't mean to cause offence and apologised profusely. He was still sacked.

Not quite sure what the difference is, unless ITV really is so scared of Simon Cowell it's quite happy to apply double standards. But it couldn't be that, right?

James Arthur didn't keep his promise to quit Twitter

James Arthur and Lucy Spraggan having a Twitter fight about homophobia. This never happened in the old days of talent shows - you didn't get Pam Ayres and Lena Zavaroni squaring up over the Biafran War, did you?

Obviously, Arthur is on the wrong side of the argument. Spragggan called him out on his "it's not gay bashing because I rapped it" logic from last week and Arthur, despite his quitting of Twitter last week, felt the need to come back and defend himself:

He then called Lucy ‘just another narrow minded person in this narrow minded country with narrow views’ and added that she could ‘say whatever you like on you’re Twitter [sic].

Yeah, how narrow minded can you be, Spraggggan? With your 'homophobic bullying can lead people to kill themselves' viewpoint, you're really making it difficult for people like Arthur to enjoy his freedom to call people "fucking queers". I mean, did you not read the story, Spragggggan? He only called a straight person queer - how could that possibly be homophobic?

Arthur then underlines that he has the facts on his side:

‘My album sold 10 times youres in it’s first week so you can f*** off with you’re career sh**e… two faced fickle attention seeker. Dissapear [sic].’

It's actually true that every album you sell makes your facts a little more correct.

Although there is this fact:

And for you’re information my album was self-penned

That's true. James Arthur's album, also called James Arthur, was entirely self-written. James and James alone.

I say James Alone, but obviously Tom Barnes helped out a bit.

Tom and William Bell. They were the writers with James.

Tom and William, and of course Ben Kohn. But other than those three, it was all James own work.

James alone. And Tom and William and Ben. Oh, and Booker T Jones.

Tom, William, Ben, Booker and Pete Kelleher. Mustapha Omer, James Murray, Jonny Coffer, Wayne Hector, Ronald Bell and Robert Bell.

Tom, William, Ben, Booker, Pete, Mustapha, James, Jonny, Wayne, Ronald and Robert. Obviously, James needs a little help when he's writing his own album.

He also got some help from Salaam Remi, Arnthor Birgisson, Ina Wroldsen, Richard Stannard, Ash Howes, Bradford Ellis, J.J. Johnson, Tiago Carvalho, Shahid Khan, Emeli Sandé, Gustave Rudman, Ben Harrison, Phil Leigh, Matt Holmes, Marcos Palacios, Ernest Clark, Sean "Elijah Blake" Fenton, Eric Jackson, Steve Robson, Claude Kelly, Komi Al Hakam El Kaubaisy, Jerry (JL) Lang II, Phil Plested and Grace Ackerman.

James totally wrote his own album, along with thirty-five other people.

Mind you, who can blame him getting a bit of help? We've seen from his Twitter feed what happens when he's left alone to write for himself.

James Arthur explains: he's a rapper, not a homophobe

After James Arthur's surprisingly homophobic rap from a couple of days back comes the attempt PR fightback. You'll recall Arthur called another musician "a fucking queer", so it's quite a hole he's got to dig himself out of.

It might be best to be careful how you go about it, James. I mean, you don't want to just crash in and send a bunch of ill-considered Tweets.

In a series of tweets which have now been deleted, Arthur apologised for using the homophobic slur...

Oh.

The Mirror has published the tweets, in which Arthur commented: "I just have to say I'm extremely disappointed in myself for being so naive with the diss track I made for an unknown rapper recently."

I think we can all understand where he's coming from - weren't we all young and naive once, calling people "fucking queer" in all innocence?

Arthur's really off to a bad start here, because he's supposed to be contrite, but he's actually rather elegantly including a sly dig at Micky Worthless. Pulling a deft move like that might be ill-advised if you're going to try and argue you didn't really know what you were doing.

But sorry, James: You were telling us how calling someone a fucking queer is alright, yes?

I Would just like to make it completely clear that it was not meant in anyway as a reference to homosexuality

Oh, that's okay then. It was one of those queerbashing that isn't a bashing of queers.

Hang on a moment, what?

I realise where the term has come from in meaning

Yes, you would. Because what else could you have meant by it?

but used in the context of the rap battles I have grown up with it has come to mean something completely different

Ah, James. I see: we thought you'd used a gay slur aimed at a straight man because you thought it was a way of attacking him, but actually you were trying to create a teaching moment for the rest of us who hear straight people yelling "queer" and think we know exactly what's going on.

Let's look at this in the context of those rap battles Arthur has grown up on - presumably he means the ones on Pokemon and Tracy Beaker, where they're always calling each other 'fucking queers' - and see how the context helps, shall we?

That said, I understand why it could cause offence and that definitely wasn't my intention.

You were trying to insult a man by calling him gay. In what way was the intention not to be offensive?

Some of the things said in this rap can be mistaken for homophobic slurs

Yeah, that's the funny thing about 'fucking queer' - it's surprising how often that gets mistaken for a homophobic slur in this day and age. Why, I've pretty much stopped writing 'you fucking queer' in Christmas cards these days as people take it all wrong when they open them.

and I assure you homophobia is something I do not believe in

James, given you're clearly a stupid man, I wouldn't be surprised to discover gravity is something you don't believe in. But that doesn't stop your toast soldiers from falling on the floor when you drop them.

I have many many gay friends

You might want to check your voicemail before you assert this so firmly.

Val Doonican used to claim at the start of his BBC One show that "some of his best friends are songs". We would believe him. You know why? Because he hadn't spent the day before running up and down the street yelling out "Max Bygraves is such a cloaca he's like a fucking song."

All you're really doing here, James, is compounding the crime by telling us you've got friends who you're prepared to sell out and trample on in order to score a few points against a rapper. "I have gay friends" merely expands the list of people you've upset, it doesn't get you off the hook. They're not your offence beards.

But sorry, before you told us how many gay friends you have but apparently have never spoken to, you were going to educate us on how in the case of calling someone a fucking queer, the context makes it alright.

In rap feuds/rap disses the words I used have a different intent.

Perhaps it's intended as a term of praise?

This is a straight man I was attacking.

You realise that is kind of the reason why it's offensive? That you think calling a straight man "gay" is a dis. You do understand that is the whole point of why you are so far in the wrong here? Surely?

Please?

A straight man who littered his track...

But you're a straight man, too, James.

... with severe homophobic slurs towards me.

Well, why didn't you say so? That's alright then. Micky Worthless recorded a rap which flung homophobic insults at you. You returned in kind.

Except you've just been explaining to us rubes that when people use gay slurs in rap battles, they're not actually gay slurs at all. So if you are defending yourself as not actually having used any gay slurs, how come when Worthless does it, these words suddenly ARE slurs, and so terrible they justify you calling him a queer in return?

Like I said though it was a rap diss

That isn't an excuse. It sounds like you've got one of those beliefs - like 'what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas' or 'you can't get pregnant the first time' or 'it doesn't count if you don't kiss them afterwards' - that might offer some sort of befuddled justification in your head but doesn't actually have any basis in any law, whether the Code Napoleon, Law of the Jungle or natural law.

James, you're an idiot homophobic asshat. And just so we're clear: I don't have any idiot homophobe asshat friends, and I'm not calling you that in a rap dis style.

James Arthur burns through goodwill

James Arthur is well on his way to being a Pointless answer in the X Factor winners category in a year or two. You might have caught his appearance on Children In Need last night; even with what seemed to be seventy other people on stage, the song and performance was totally empty. It was like watching someone humming in a very busy bus station. Even his tattoos seemed to be embarrassed to be part of it.

It wasn't the worst thing involving James Arthur yesterday, though: he's outed himself as a racist homophobe, too.

Somehow Arthur got himself caught up in a rap diss war with Mickey Worthless. Miss, miss, Worthless started it:

‘You sucked Simon [Cowell’s] bell to get your deal. You suck Simon’s bell and Louis [Walsh’s]’ as well. Yeah you did, you faggot. Yeah you did, fuck off.’

Leaving aside the obvious homophobia of this line, if it was true, then surely Arthur could at least be said to have put in the hours to get his deal?

Arthur, though, wasn't taking it lying down - the claims, that is - and decided to respond. Rather than write a reply which said 'Actually, you're homophobic and I'm far far greater/ won a public vote with an independent adjudicator', Arthur responded in kind:

“You’re a terrible rapper, you should shoot yourself”[...]

“You fucking queer. Hilarious, precarious you Talibani confused, imbecilic mimic of a gimmick”.

Ah, yes. The moral high ground of adding pedestrian racism to homophobic insults.

Arthur at first tried to brazen it out:

He thought he was Mr Rap Battle, so he had to get it. He asked for it

You'll note that Arthur seems convinced that it is HE who is Mr Rap Battle.

Someone, though, has intervened and pulled Arthur's Soundcloud o' Intolerance.

As the shit, stitched-together Tommy Duckworth without Tommy Duckworth storyline on Corrie shows, ITV isn't amused when its tea-and-crumpets image is disrupted by children doing filthy raps, so let's hope Arthur isn't expecting to appear on X Factor this season. (Equally, if Arthur does, Chris Fountain might have the makings of an unfair dismissal claim on his hands.)

In the short term, it might be best if someone stops buying the two boys top-up vouchers for their phones.

[Thanks to Michael M]

Grimes defends playing in Russia because Putin wasn't going to go see her anyway, or something

With Russia an increasingly intolerant place to be bisexual, gay, lesbian or anything else non-Putin-approved, it was something of a surprise to see Grimes happily booking a date there. She has thought it through, though:

response to twitter criticisms of the show in russia

Yes, I am playing in Moscow in 2 days and no, i do not feel bad about it. I don’t think that denying and ignoring the gay community in russia is cool. I have gay friends in russia and the only strait person on the Grimes team is james as far as i know lol.

We are entering safely and it means the world to me to be returning 2 russia. It doesn’t hurt the government if I refuse to tour there. Just regular people. So i don’t think it’s wrong to be doing this. Refusing to go to russia would only hurt fans

also - this is a private event. fans should know that ill be back for a bigger show when i finish the record that will be open to the public

siiick so stoked! cya soon ^_^

<3

Ah, it would hurt "regular people" to not play the gig which, erm, isn't open to regular people anyway. That's pretty clear.

Do we need to run through once again the way cultural boycotts work, or can we just assume that Grimes understands but doesn't accept the idea that when nations behave in unacceptable ways, you don't just pretend it isn't happening?

Grimes: very much the Paul Simon of her generation.

Elton John is a bad influence, says imam

Elton John's decision to play Russia not exactly going down well with everyone there. Seidzhagfar Lutfullin isn't a fan:

Denouncing the British superstar as "the devil's work in the shape of a pederast," the imam warned that God could rain destruction on cities in the style of the Old Testament's Sodom and Gomorrah as punishment for John's sexual delinquency.

"Sodomy...is what the world famous homosexual Elton John, (sic) who recently wed a man in public, is promoting," the imam said in remarks published on the Web site of Kazan's Thousandth Anniversary of Islam Mosque.

He then checked his notes, and said "oh... actually, he's promoting his extensive back catalogue of solo albums. But they're probably about sodomy."

Lutfullin hopes that everyone will respond to his concern by staying at home the night John plays Kazan. At their own homes. Alone. WITH THEIR PANTS ON.

It's interesting that the devil chose to shape John like a pederast. Isn't Lutfullin the same sort of basic shape - round head at the top; pair of arms; pair of legs; long, glistening cock; a pair of delicious, yearning, sweat-gleaned testicles swinging free underneath loose cloth?

Steve Grand comes out; NME promotes idea that "that shit is wrong"

You know, if you're going to come out, and you're a country musician, you might as well really come out.

Steve Grand's done it by releasing this:

... and then saying 'oh, and that's autobiographical'.

It's just a bit grim that it's 2013, and an out country (as opposed to alt country) artist is a rarity. uproxx.com provided some context:

Before country musician Steve Grand uploaded “All-American Boy” to YouTube, the most prominent Google search result for “gay country song” was a link to Yahoo! Answers. Three years ago, “Gex” asked, “Is their any gay country song?” to which “ihatebho” replied, “Another song dealing with homosexuality: Ain’t Going Down On Brokeback Mountain by Willie Nelson,” which, yes, is a real song, with the refrain “That sh*t ain’t right.”

I'm sorry, Willie Nelson did what? (He even works in a gag about bumming, like he's seven years old.)

Even more surprisingly, the NME is hosting the video. Yes, that's the NME with a page dedicated to a song which says that homosexuality is wrong.

Obviously, it's been somehow auto-generated and the paper tartly disclaims any responsibility:

DISCLAIMER: The video content provided on this page is generated by YouTube and consequently features user-generated content. While we do our best to stop offensive material appearing, NME.COM cannot be held responsible for all of the material that may be displayed on this page. If you object to any video, please visit the YouTube Abuse and Policy Centre

- but, frankly, that's not good enough. What actions have the NME taken that it feels is "doing our best"? And why on earth should someone complain to YouTube because the NME has embedded something homophobic on it's site?

Mich-understood? Shocked claims hate was example

Last Sunday, Michelle Shocked managed to trash her reputation by standing on stage in San Francisco and announcing that gay marriage would bring about Armageddon (the Jesus not Willis version).

After three days of being called out, gigs being pulled and former fans back-masking The Texas Campfire Tapes to see if she'd hidden 'Jesus is Lord' messages in the songs, Shocked has finally responded with a statement.

Why, yes, of course there's a reasonable explanation - she wasn't talking about what she believes, it was just what "some folks" believe:

I do not, nor have I ever, said or believed that God hates homosexuals (or anyone else). I said that some of His followers believe that. I believe intolerance comes from fear, and these folks are genuinely scared. When I said "Twitter that Michelle Shocked says "God hates faggots," I was predicting the absurd way my description of, my apology for, the intolerant would no doubt be misinterpreted. The show was all music, and the audience tweets said they enjoyed it. The commentary came about ten minutes later, in the encore.

And to those fans who are disappointed by what they've heard or think I said, I'm very sorry: I don't always express myself as clearly as I should. But don't believe everything you read on facebook or twitter. My view of homosexualty has changed not one iota. I judge not. And my statement equating repeal of Prop 8 with the coming of the End Times was neither literal nor ironic: it was a description of how some folks - not me - feel about gay marriage.

Here's the thing, though. You know that the couple of paragraphs wasn't my words, but somebody else's, because I introduced it as such (and formatted it differently).

Shocked doesn't appear to have used a framing device.

Likewise, if I decided I wanted to draw attention to people who want to punch kittens, I'd not do a post which simply said "Let's punch kittens" as I think I'd be unwise to expect readers to somehow grasp that I'd lurched unannounced into the character of a kitten-puncher.

And even if I did do that, I think I'd not need three days of 'Music blogger calls for kitten pain' response before realising that people had thought I wanted cats attacked and grudgingly released an explanation that, no, I was just pretending to be a feline fighter. For some reason.

The bigger problem with Shocked's explanation is that people were taping the gig and a transcript destroys this idea that there was some sort of third party defence:

"From their vantage point – and I really shouldn't say 'their', because it's mine too – we are nearly at the end of time," she is heard to say, "and from our vantage point, we're gonna be – I think maybe Chinese water torture is going to be the method. Once Prop 8 gets [repealed] and once preachers are held at gunpoint and forced to marry the homosexuals, I'm pretty sure that that will be the signal for Jesus to come on back."

But, hey, maybe it she wasn't simply doing it in the character of a person who believed this shit, but doing it in a metacharacter of someone who believed it, but wanted to distance themselves from it slightly.

Back to the statement, then. Having opened the sluice gates of asshattery, Shocked then calls for people to forgive the asshats:

The show, and the rant, was spontaneous. As for those applauding my so-called stance that "God Hates Faggots," I say they should be met with mercy, not hate. And I hope that what remains of my audience will meet that intolerance with understanding, even of those who might hate them.

Yes, that's right. If someone hates you because of who you love, it's up to you to make the adjustments to tolerate their hatred.

On she ploughs:

Folks wonder about my sexuality, but denying being gay is like saying I never beat my husband.

I think this is meant to be a reference to the loaded 'when did you stop hitting your wife' question, but... this is meaningless, right? The model would only work if she said 'being asked if I'm still gay is like being asked if I'm still beating my husband'.

My sexuality is not at issue.

That's the first sensible thing she's said so far. This isn't about her sexuality at all. Other things it's not about are cheese, horticulture and water towers.

What is being questioned is my support for the LGBT community, and that has never wavered.

Except for a few moments ago when you suggested that it's incumbent on the LGBT community to understand and tolerate people who would see them dead, or degayed-through-prayer, or whatever.

Music and activism have always been part of my work and my journey, which I hope and intend to continue. I'd like to say this was a publicity stunt, but I'm really not that clever, and I'm definitely not that cynical.

Also, Michelle, if it had been a publicity stunt, 'reminding people I exist and then making them wish I had never made a record' would have been a pretty dreadful stunt.

But I am damn sorry. If I could repeat the evening, I would make a clearer distinction between a set of beliefs I abhor, and my human sympathy for the folks who hold them. I say this not because I want to look better. I have no wish to hide my faults, and - clearly - I couldn't if I tried.

With love,

Michelle

How would you go about making the distinction clearer, Michelle? Perhaps by not saying "it's my vantage point too".

Or maybe the only distinction between you and a standard class asshole is the other assholes haven't just had an entire US tour axed.

There was a second statement which followed, which somehow tries to suggest that there's something "punk" about putting the doctrine of evangelical fundamentalists ahead of just letting people who love each other say so in a public forum:

I believe in a God who loves everyone, and my faith tells me to do my best to also love everyone. Everyone: gay or straight, stridently gay, self-righteously faithful; left or right, far left, far right; good, bad, or indifferent. That's the law: everyone.

I may disagree with someone's most fervently held belief, but I will not hate them. And in this controversy, that means speaking for Christians with opinions I in no way share about homosexuality. Will I endorse them? Never. Will I disavow them? Never.

I stand accused of forsaking the LGBT community for a Christianity which is – hear me now - anathema to my understanding of faith. I will no doubt take future flack for saying so. I'm accused of believing that "God hates fags" and that the repeal of Prop 8 will usher in the End Times. Well, if I caused such an absurdity, I am damn sorry. To be clear: I am not now, nor have I ever been, a member of any so-called faith preaching intolerance of anyone. Again, anyone: straight or gay, believers or not: that's the law.

That means upholding my punk rock values in the most evangelical enclaves and, in this case, speaking up for the most fearful of fundamentalists in, well, a San Francisco music hall full of Michelle Shocked fans.

As an artist in this time of unbearable culture wars, I understand: this means trouble, and this is neither the first nor last time trouble has come my way. And that's fine by me.

I know the fear many in the evangelical community feel about homosexual marriage, as I understand the fear many in the gay community feel toward the self-appointed faithful. I have and will continue speaking to both. Everything else – facebook, twitter, whatever – is commentary.

Let's not see this as a shabby attempt to try and salvage a career, and take it at at least one of its faces' value and ask: if Shocked really was trying to 'speak up for evangelicals', why did she feel the need?

Does she really think that people in San Francisco haven't heard the bullshit over and over again? That with Fox News, and Westboro Baptist Church, and Utah-based attempts to rig the Prop 8 vote through endless TV commercials, that people in the city might not have heard what fundamentalists think, again and again and again and a-fucking-gain.

There are many, many platforms where these groups express their views, where they wave the Holy Books they don't quite understand, and declaim.

What gap in the discourse did Shocked think she was plugging?

But even if you do buy this line - then how was merely parroting their words supposed to be of value?

You could imagine Shocked doing the ranty bit, with quote marks around it, and then - like a Culture Wars Yarwood - segueing into a 'and this is me' bit, perhaps trying to find some common ground, or saying 'look, here's the reason why these people think this...' But there was none of that.

Standing in a room and saying 'let's punch kittens' isn't moving on a debate about punching kittens.

Michelle Shocked isn't so stupid as to not understand that.

The apology?

And it's every month I tear it up and mail the damn thing back/
Did you think that would make it alright, did you think I would fall for that?