Shhh... don't mention Cream... we've lots of other great companies here... just be quiet about Cream... - Liverpool City of Culture Bid develops rather large hole in central strategy

DON'T TELL ME THE CREAM IS OVER: Cream is over, in all but name. The nights which has strong-armed the Merseyside scene for a decade is closing its doors, shifting its offices to London and will in future exist solely as a brand name floggin CDs and 'specials.' This isn't entirely unexpected - the night has been struggling badly for months, and the non-appearance of its much-trumpeted Brighton venue was a clear indication the end was near. Strangely, the Liverpool Echo is reporting that Creamfields will continue, but since the dance festival was little more than a loss leader, we'll believe that when we see it. So, that's dance officially dead now, is it?
Official statement - it's not like we're going out of business, we're just getting into different businesses

NEXT UP: TEN FAMOUS BELGIANS: Can things really be as desperate in the land of the Maple and the Mountie as Jam's
Best Canadian Band poll would suggest? Not only does the attempt to come up with enough choices mean Bachman Turner Overdrive and Rush made the shortlist, but at present, Barenaked Ladies and Our Lady Peace are duking it out for the title. Still, Nickelback are on a probably fair enough zero percent.
Additional: The Google Directory listing for Canadian rock bands is likewise a bit scanty. Platinum Blonde?

Life Imitates Blockhead's Razzle In My Pocket

TEN: Sean Moore's favourite C86 era tunes:
1 The Bodines - 'Terese'
2 Primal Scream - 'All Fall Down'
3 Big Flame - 'Why Pop Stars Can't Dance'
4 The Loft - 'Up The Hill And Down The Slope'
5 The Wedding Present - 'Once More'
6 McCarthy - 'Red Sleeping Beauty'
7 Pop Will Eat It Itself - 'Poppies Say Grrrr EP'
8 Talulah Gosh - 'Talulah Gosh'
9 My Bloody Valentine - 'Sunny Sundae Smile'
10 Shop Assistants - 'Somewhere In China'
The other two's can be found over at NME.com, which is also reporting details of a Christmas tour of enormo-domes by the Manics.

Andrew WK duets with Kelly Osbourne [NME.COM] - no further comment needed, I think

BEING FOR THE BENEFIT OF... WHO, PRECISELY? More convoluted developments over at neverland, with a Japanese label insisting that Sony are refusing to clear its artists for the mawkish September 11th 'tribute' Michael Jackson, Mariah Carey and other totally sane members of society recorded before the corpses were cold. Possibly because the executive producer used to make gay porn, possibly because of the ongoing Jacko-Sony spat. Who knows? Maybe its because someone at Sony realised how bad it would look for a bunch of washed-up has-beens to try and draw attention to themselves on the back of an act of mass murder. Maybe someone noticed that whereas Band Aid provided financial support to the most wretched of a desperately poor country, the State and insurers in the US have done a pretty good deal of supporting the families of the victims already, and as such any charitable funds would be being badly misdirected?
BBC report - life imitates 'Rock The Blind'

I COLLECT, I REJECT: So, as Madonna attempts to frustrate a tenth anniversary relaunch of her Sex book - apparently, she's afraid her daughter might see it and realise her mother once consorted with Vanilla Ice - she might want to make sure Lourdes access to Ebay is blocked, to avoid forty-odd copies currently being offered there in various states of undress and languages...

NETWORK HEAVEN: Having done a fair bit to drive sales of computers, music is again going to be pressed into battle to bring home networks into the 'must have' part of the cash-rich's Venn Diagram. Having worked out that nobody is going to waste thousands in order to be able to switch a coffee pot on from their bedroom (that, after all, is what timeswitches do for a fiver) the Atlanta Journal-Constitution is reporting that consumer interest is being tempted by the prospect of getting those MP3s off the hard drive and into the bedroom. Of course, that's assuming the record industry don't stifle the interest at birth by fulminating that playing a track in two rooms at once constitutes some sort of theft and will ensure that Madonna starves forever.

OUCH: "Bloggers make the worst music critics" phrase hurled out in the midst of debate about that 100 albums you should get rid of list on the Barbelith Underground.

LAST WITH THE NEWS: Okay, it might have been last March, but the Melys Netherlands tour diary is still worth a read. Naked piercings - Earl Brutus ugly slurs - tram surfing. It's all there.

PIRACY MUST STOP. SOME DAY: Nice piece from the BBC's Matthew Price in Belgrade, covering the pirate CD market there. What's interesting is the pragmatic approach taken by the Serbian government. Deputy Culture Minister Aleksandra Jovicevic tells Price that, yes, something must be done to stop pirates. Soon. But with the culture of underground swapping of music having taken hold during the war, and generally low wages, it's clear that they're reluctant to diminish the quality of people's lives still further by sudden and decisive action. In effect, the Serbian government seems to be saying: We'll start to deal with the problem, when the record companies start to make their product a bit more realisitcally priced.

IS GARBAGE.COM THE NEW TWOINCHES?: Is it just us, or does the high bandwidth version of the Garbage website just trigger a never-ending cascade of blank windows? Which is a pity, because there's a wealth of good news now that Shirley Manson's online diary is back (it had been bought up by Q Magazine). First up, the band has written a couple of new songs - one called Sex Never Goes Out of Fashion - and, more importantly, Shirl is toying with returning to red:
Reasons to be blond:
I like it.
It makes me feel frivalous.
It suits me.
Reasons to be red:
Red means beautiful in russian.
It makes me feel empowered.
Everytime I see a red haired person,no matter who it is, I feel as though I recognise them and I'm desirous of their redness.
The official site - just make sure you choose Low Bandwidth

TWO IN A BAR SHOCKER: During yesterday's questions on Culture, Media and Sport, the issue of the present two-in-a-bar rule (which limits the singing of live music in pubs) was given another airing. While its a noble aim, we're not sure whether Lawrie Quinn is going the right way about making his case by inviting Kim Howells to go and hear him and Billy Bragg break the current law - "it all sounds a bit left-wing for me" was the new Labour minister's response to the invite. Siobahn McDonagh approached the question from a different angel, asking earlier in the debate why crowds can gather to watch football in pubs, but not to listen to music. Howells replied "[the government] will certainly look at getting rid of the absurd two in a bar rule. I have looked long and hard at the evidence, but we have never received any to suggest that watching television in a pub causes the kinds of scenes that have sometimes occurred in pubs with live music. Nor, indeed, have we had any reports of disturbances caused by watching television in a pub—we have certainly received some reports of incidents following the playing of live music in pubs. Generally speaking, however, pubs are excellent venues for live music. We want to make sure that that continues to be the case and that there are more venues for live music, not fewer." Which is positive sounding - although I'd be curious to know exactly how the government has managed to avoid being in a pub at the moment when the beery atmosphere turns fetid at the full time whistle - or, indeed, what these incidents of music leading to riot are, precisely.
Hansard coverage - turning slightly into the now-defunct Melody Maker

RIP: Sad to hear of the death of Alan Lomax, dedicated musicologist-cum-obsessionist. He died on the 19th, at the age of 87.
Rolling Stone obit

MY FACE IS RED, I STAND CORRECTED: We could try and blame it on the stress of overhauling the site visuals, but you know it's just sloppiness - Matthew Marsden was the Corrie mechanic; Michael Marsden the actor slated to appear in the forthcoming new brit gangster flick. And since he was in Reservoir Dogs, that's probably even more ridiculous. And Matthew was in Black Hawk Down, which made it seem plausible.
Michael Marsden, of course, does have a link with the music industry, having been a presenter of an award at this year's Brits. Thanks to everyone who pointed out the error - no, really. But I stand by my claim that Ozzy had no musical talent.

WE CAN'T BE SURE, BUT...: Can the most popular act in Spain really be Heinz endorsed band called The Ketchup? It appears they claim to be "the daughters of the tomato" and, according to Google, they're the most-searched for band in the Iberian peninsula right now...
Especial - Las Ketchup - although who knows what the world made of Bananarama?

TWO LISTS OF 100 RECORDS: First up, there's that jaguaro.org 100 Records you should remove from your collection. Now, we're as happy to join in with a spot of mindless iconoclasm as the next person (that's except for when we're stood next to Jeremy Clarkson, of course), but this list is really just a great title with an ill-thought out list beneath. About a third of these actually hold together with a sense of cohesion - being either stuff that likes to think of itself as beyond reproach, or stuff that wanted to be liked so very, very desperately that it deserves contempt, but really it just seems to be a list of records that the compilers don't really like much. And it kicks the statue over onto its own foot straight away by admitting in its first choice "completists like me may never part with [Combat Rock]."
Better is TV Cream's real top 100 singles of all time, an attempt to make a chart of records which wouldn't end up with Bohemian Rhapsody at number one. Their choice of toppermost of the poppermost - Don't You Want Me? - sounds like a number one that Means Something, justifying the whole exercise. And anything that includes The Korgis and Rupert Giles' brother can't be wrong.

BLIMEY, LADS, HE'S GOT A SHOOTER: Just when you thought that the twitching, badly beaten corpse of British Cinema could take no more, they announce they're going to make another fucking gangster movie. Hold on, it gets worse. Michael Marsden - once second fiddle to Kevin Webster in the Corrie garage - is in it. So is David Beckham in a cameo. And that, of course, means his missus has got to be on the soundtrack. They're going to use technology to make a "dearly missed" celeb come back to life. And, as if that wasn't enough to make the smell overwhelming, it's going to have Gavin Rossdale from Bush in it.
Several stars prepare to revolve in grave - maybe they just mean they plan to re-animate Beckham?

DAUGHTER IN FLAW: One of the lowlights of a rather fine weekend was being hunted down by Kelly Osbourne ("of the brilliant Osbournes", as a Century FM dj helpfully explained) and her version of Papa Don't Preach. Gah. Clearly, there was never going to be much merit in the project - a lame brained cash-in with only half an attempt to come up with an 'apt' song. (Why not rewrite The Clash slightly instead - 'Daddy was a bat-gobbler, but he never hurt nobody...'?) But taking on Madonna is a tough call, and Kelly doesn't manage to rise to the occasion at all. While it was possible to really believe Madonna was a knocked-up teen, even though we knew in real life her Daddy's reaction to the news of a pregnancy would be "Why are you telling me? You're thirty, you're a millionaire and if the local abortion clinic didn't have a favourite bed set aside for you, I'd be very surprised", Kelly's trot through the track has all the emotional impact of a spoiled teen saying "whoops, I forgot to fill the tank in the GTI before I parked it." Ozzy never let a lack of musical skill hold him back, and his daughter has followed his example; sadly, her inability to even attempt to reach up for notes is a lot more grating.
Hmmm. Person of limited ability attempts to squeeze more cash from fleeting fame on reality TV show by releasing poorly-realised version of vaguely 'apt' tune? Kelly Osbourne, you are the new Maureen from Driving School.
Panto in Petersfield is awaiting you.

YOU CAN'T SAY IT: Of course, the BPI would never condone censorship, oh no no no; but it does like those little stickers that say 'this is rude'. It's just refreshed its advice on when its members really should put a Parental Advisory sticker on its product. Interestingly, rather than bother to draw up its own criteria, the BPI just says the best guide to deciding whether the content is explicit and/or offensive is to use the guidelines set out in the Video Recordings Act 1984. Now, while this might seem appropriate, there's a world of difference between a video and song. In fact, the 1984 guidelines state that anything which is "likely to encourage human sexual activity" should be stickered. So, that's Lets Get It On, Sexual Healing and the entire Barry White back catalogue going under the counter then. Meanwhile, the strictures on violence would have Another Sunny Day's You should all be murdered given a peace-keeping label, too. It's fair enough that a system should be in place to alert people to the potentially upsetting nature of some music, but the system really should be one designed for music, not brought lumbering over from another field of artistic endeavour.

RIP...: Apparently - and we stress this is just a rumour at the moment - former Bowie producer Gus Dudgeon has died in a car crash. Either he'll be sadly missed, or there's someone very obscurely bored on Popbitch today...
Don't say 'who', say 'ah'

IF YOU PAY FOR MONKEYS, YOU MAKE PEANUTS: EMI's shareholders came together on Friday to stare hard at the board that cheerfully shoved twenty million down Mariah Carey's cleavage and waved her off, to ask just why the failed executives also get huge pay-offs. One shareholder angrily observed "Its amazing how when things go well, its great management, but when things go badly the board blames market conditions", and asked why useless executives get huge pay-offs when they get sacked. Chairman Eric Nicoli held his features straight and said "The salaries and bonuses we pay out are dictated by market forces, if you want to attract the best talent, you have to pay market rates." Which is corn at the best of times, but exactly what is the market rate for someone who's been so shit at their job they've brought the company to the brink of collapse? Have I missed the recruitment ads where six-figure sums are on offer for people lacking any skills and talent? It's arguable that multi-million pay packets are required for good executives - it's not like there are dozens of international labels seeking CEOs, and I'm guessing that Fierce Panda aren't forcing the rates up past the hundreds of thousands mark in the wider market, either. But to suggest the market is so bad you have to pay squillions to attract piss-poor talent that results in 1,800 people being dumped into dole misery is just risible, and an insult to our intelligence. What do the good ones earn? Surely at these rates there isn't enough money in the world?
In a bid to distract attention from how rubbish they are, the board announced that it's bought up the bit of the Motown publishing it didn't already earn, and proudly announced their belief that the new Atomic Kitten and Blue records will save the company - so every time you buy a Lamont-Dozier-Lamont classic, you'll be helping pay the salaries of people whose grip on music is so poor they can't spot when plastic bands are all mined out, either.
Levy and Faxon had their new positions approved, but an embarrasing one in five shareholders failed to support their remuneration package.
FT report on shareholder's meeting - goes subscribers only only early August

IT'S NEW RELEASE MONDAY: And, following on from the best of, the b-sides, and the Christmas swing album, the Charlatans pad out the recording process with the inevitable live album. Still, at least Live It Like You Love It has the decency to include a version of Sproston Green on it. Having tried to sneak out his first solo album under the Biscuitboy alias, Paul Heaton seems to have decided that his profile might be more of a help than a hindrance to sales of Fat Chance, so now it returns with his name and picture appended to the release. Also coming back for seconds are Let It Blast and Grand Fury, hoping to turn the new interest in the Bellrays into space in the stockroom. Blimey, the Sex Gang Children are still going, with a new one Bastard Art fillig the racks today, but the third Origins of the Species compilation from Psychic TV also out, there'll be some struggles for the goth's record tokens today. If you prefer your compilations a little more delicate, and you'd rather the small girl in the floral dress isn't blood stained and sobbing uncontrollably, From A Distance gathers together the wonderful Nanci Griffith's nublugrass into a handy single serving, making at a stroke Shania Twain's dusty resurrection of For The Love Him as obsolete as it is unwelcome.

Over in the bite-size boutique, it's the battle of the advertising whores with Dirty Vegas' ghosts going head to head with beauty on fire from Natalie Imbruglia. (Beauty on fire? Don't they test that face cream on bunnies first?). Better fare from The Streets weak become heroes, Nerd's Rock Star and zero star from Sugarcoma. Government approved sources of musical nutrition Pete Yorn (Strange Condition) and Michelle Branch (All That You wanted) will be of interest if you like your indie lite and unthreatening; but the real battle this week pitches Doves' Pounding and Primal Scream's mighty return Miss Lucifer into a two-way battle.

SUBMERGE: What does two mill buy you these days? It should, coupled with a ridiculous level of slavish press, get you a decent hit, so Ministry of Sound must have been rattled at last week's low entry for Fischerspooner. Still, 25 got them onto TOTP, and since they're constantly telling us they're as much a visual act as an aural one, trip-trapping over prime time telly must help sales, surely? New chart has them at an Asda bargain-bin filling 44.
Footnote: Fischerspooner's dads, the Pet Shop Boys, managed to get into the top 20. That, of course, is class showing.

I GET CAUGHT OUT, BUT I GET OUT AGAIN: We've called Chumbawamba before on how giving away cash from commercials isn't an excuse for setting aside capitalist principles in the first place - we know that you're helping charities, but it still looks to us like you're using the muscle power of the multinational corps to flog a few extra copies of your records; and besides, giving your fee to a 'don't use cars' campaign is hardly going to offset the multi-million 'use cars' commercials you're helpfully soundtracking, while millions that hear your music endorsing the corporation are hugely unlikely to read your apologias in the new left press.
But it turns out their defence is even more hypocritical and half-assed than we'd assumed. They turned down General Electric's request to use Tubthumping on an ad for an X-Ray machine because "We have to deal with each one of these ads as they come along but we simply couldn't find a reason big enough to excuse the fact that GE's engines were flying over Afghanistan dropping bombs and incinerating civilians." Which could be fair enough. However, the band are happy to allow their music appear on a Pontiac advert. Pontiac is a General Motors brand, as is, of course, GM Defense and Delco Systems. Now, while we could see that an exception might be worth making to promote something socially useful like an X-Ray machine, how do the 'wumba justify dealing with a branch of the murderous weapons industry to give a sales boost to a gas-guzzling sports car?
Please like us still, beg Chumbas [Ananova] - we know people with guns, you know...

THERE, BUT FOR THE GRACE OF GOD: Death stalks the Rolling Stones, as a long serving roadie drops dead of a heart attack. Apparently, this guy had been working on their road crew for thirty years - clearly, the Stones don't believe in giving even their most loyal staff much of a pension option.
Seriously, Ananova say 'It's not known if Magree's death will disrupt the Stone's rehearsal schedule' - not as much as it's going to disrupt his, that's for certain

CAN'T COME OUT TO PLAY, MAM SAY'S I'M TO FINISH MY HOMEWORK: Sigur Ros have called off their European tour in order to complete their new album instead, apparently.
Hopefully it'll be finished by tea [ANANOVA] - or there'll be TV tonight, either...

WILL THEY NEVER LEARN?: If you must, like Mystikal actually video yourself performing criminal acts, at least try and keep hold of the evidence. Otherwise, like R Kelly, you might find yourself looking at a messy bill for trying to round up the copies...

DOPE, TRAINS AND FUCKING IN THE STREETS: More on the aftermath of what a generation is calling Normstock, the Fatboy Slim Brighton-beach-based-boogie-bash last Saturday. According to the Brighton Argus, the Police are now suggesting they should get awards and plaudits for their work on the night - and, indeed, it seems the fifty officers on duty worked bloody hard to keep order and safety on the night. And, let's not forget, did so successfully. You might want to wonder how only fifty officers were on duty in the first place - remember, they were expecting 100,000 people to turn up anyway; readers in the Brighton area might want to perform calculations with slide rules to compare the number of police the Sussex constabulary insist they need to cope with the largely docile and mainly local 5,000 odd who turn up for Brighton and Hove Albion's games, and the relative light touch used for the larger, mainly out-of-town crowd expected for the beach boutique.
Not that the police are happy, anyway. Inspector Kevin Claxon, according to the Argus, said some observers thought only six arrests made it a good night but added 'I could have arrested 300 people myself. All we could do was help people around as best we could and keep them safe." But... isn't the first role of the police to keep people safe? Isn't that what we pay them for? Clearly, the opportunity to make the arrests rate for the Sussex force was there, but, sadly, the police had to work in the public's interest instead. Head of Brighton & Hove police Chief Superintendent Doug Rattray praised his team: "There was a small number of officers which was stretched to the limit." Hmmm. Who would be responsible for there only being a small number of officers, Doug? The Argus observes the police "had to focus on public safety and ignore hundreds of crimes including drug dealing, assaults, and having sex in public." Ah, the crime of having sex in public, eh? Some people say it's a victimless crime, but, you know, if we don't crack down on That Sort Of Thing, it'll be gayers doing it next. And, forgive us if we're wrong, but if the whole of Brighton was just a massive crush of flesh in danger of exploding, how were people able to shag and deal in the midst of it? We've read reports of people who faced crushes in various locations, and yet we can't recall of anyone who thought as their lungs were being squeezed slowly flat "blimey, if I can flog this quarter of weed and shag Tracey, it'll all be worthwhile."
The main trouble seems to have been at the station - and, as we've observed before, that's what you get when Rail Companies fuck up, not when there's a party on the beach. If inquiries need to be held, it should start by looking at just how the train operators thought they were going to cope with the last train at 11, when at least 80,000 people could have been expected to want to get out of the city at midnight. But we shouldn't be surprised - the last few years have shown many people in the rail industry have at best a blase attitude to public safety, never mind the needs of the travelling public.