Brittle-tattle

The lights returned in the sky last night; after the mists cleared, we found they'd left the nominations for the Brit Awards behind:
British Male Solo Artist -
* Badly Drawn boy
* Craig David
* David Gray
* The Streets
* Robbie Williams
Interestingly, Williams is nominated here and nowhere else - so we're expected to believe that he's the best solo artist despite not actually producing anything considered in any way worthy of praise. That makes sense then. And don't even let's get started on whether The Streets is a solo artist, or are a collective or whatever. Let's push things forward (DYSWIDT?) and give 'em an award...

British Female Solo Artist
* Sophie Ellis Bextor
* Ms Dynamite
* Beverly Knight
* Alison Moyet
* Beth Orton
Rrright, because that Alison Moyet comeback really burned itself into the nation's consciousness, didn't it? It was almost as if Shergar had been found. And much as we love Sophie, wasn't her contribution to music in 2002 repackaging her album from 2001? We'd like Beth to win it, but we know Ms D has got this one stitched up.

British Album
* Coldplay - 'A Rush Of Blood To The Head'
* Ms Dynamite - 'A Little Deeper'
* The Coral - 'The Coral'
* The Streets - 'Original Pirate Material'
* Sugababes - 'Angels With Dirty Faces'
Three great albums, an alright pop effort and an album that at least has some ambition to it (even if its very limited) - not a bad line up, even if the last of these - the Coldplay - is probably going to win it.

British Group
* Blue
* Coldplay
* Doves
* Sugababes
* Oasis
We're wondering why Oasis are on this list? Is it a joke? Had they forgotten to clean the slate properly from last time round? Were we in a coma and missed Oasis doing something worthwhile? Nice to see Doves nominated, even if they're hugely unlikely to lift the prize. Blue? Coldplay?

British Single
* Atomic Kitten - The Tide Is High
* Gareth Gates - Anyone Of Us
* Gareth Gates - 'Unchained Melody'
* Liberty X - 'Just A Little'
* Will Young - 'Anything Is Possible' / 'Evergreen'
This really does imply the state of British Music is more fucked than it actually is, doesn't it? When the rest of the awards nominations hints at the margins moving into the mainstream, this line-up reads like a particuarly bad night on the Smash Hits channel. Two cover versions (which surely should be more or less ineligible anyway, shouldn't they?). We know Just A Little was nowhere near the best single released last year - it wasn't even the best chart whore single - but we find ourselves throwing our moral weight behind it


British urban Act
* Beverly Knight
* Big Brovaz
* Craig David
* Daniel Bedingfield
* Mis-teeq
* Ms Dynamite
* Romeo
* Roots Mauva
* So Solid Crew
* The Streets
Why so many nominations? Is this the BPI trying to show off how wide their knowledge of black (sorry, urban) music is? Presumably they're also unable to tell the huge difference between So Solid Crew and Beverley Knight?

British Dance Act
* Chemical Brothers
* Groove Armada
* Jamiroquai
* Kosheen
* Sugababes
Sugababes as dance? And what, precisely, did Jamiroquai do to earn this nomination? Is it just so there's a worse hat than Badly Drawn Boy's in the nomnation list?

British Breakthrough Artist
* Liberty X
* Ms Dynamite
* The Coral
* The Streets
* Will Young
This is "new artist by any other name" - now its called Breakthrough, we presume the prize is more for size of achievement rather than novelty. On which scale, Will Young would be the victor - but since he had the entire weight of the Granada corporation behind him, that seems unfair. Ms Dynamite's zero-to-hero achievements have been great, but The Coral have overcome the double handicap of being unknown and from a city that's been given pariah status by the music industry for the last few years, so they deserve it more.

Pop Act
* Blur
* Enrique Iglesias
* Gareth Gates
* Pink
* Will Young
Eh? Did we miss something here? When did Enrique and Pink become British? Does this mean we don't get to marry Alecia to allow her to apply for citizenship? Bah. I'm not sure if I'm more bemused by the increasingly art-wanky Blur in the Pop category, or their appearance in awards aimed at praising the best of last year. Pink's prize, by a mile.

International Male Solo Artist
* Beck
* Eminem
* Moby
* Nelly
* Bruce Springsteen
Hey, Brit award people - we don't have to give a prize to people simply because they wrote about September 11th, you know. That's very much an American trait. Beck seems to be nominated in this category every year; presumably a cruel joke on the Brit's part. Eminem should walk this.


International Female Solo Artist
* Missy Elliot
* Norah Jones
* Alicia Keys
* Avril Lavigne
* Pink
Apparently cut and paste from the Grammys without a second glance - we can just about see that Jennifer Aniston's kid sister Avril may have a small profile here, but I can honestly say I have never met anyone in the UK who gives a chicken McNugget about Norah Jones. Again, if this isn't used to give us an excuse to see a slightly squiffy Pink spending our money wisely, we'll pout.


International Album
* Eminem - 'The Eminem Show'
* Norah Jones - 'Come Away With Me'
* Alicia Keys - 'Songs In A Minor'
* Pink - 'Missundaztood'
* Red Hot Chili Peppers - 'By The Way'
Pink album from 2001, wasn't it? So, much as we'd love to applaud her again, we're hoping that the Chilli Peppers get this - even if its on the basis of "long time career, first time winners" buggin's term

International Group
* Foo Fighters
* Nickelback
* Red Hot Chili Peppers
* Royksopp
* White Stripes
How sad that Nickelback are disfiguring this category, which otherwise would make a pretty good second day at Glastonbury, don't you think? The brave winner would be Royksopp. So expect to see Dave Grohl's victory speech.

International Breakthrough Artist
* Norah Jones
* Avril Lavigne
* Nickelback
* Shakira
* White Stripes
Again, if we apply some sort of tape measure, Shakira would trounce all comers in this category. And if Shakira is a mighty thoroughbred, Norah Jones is My Little Pony. Why are the Brits colluding in some sort of profile raising for her?

Outstanding Contribution To Music
* Tom Jones
Apparently, Frasier lost in a one-man election for head of Condo Board back in 1998. We can but hope the panel remember the man's many crimes, and vote for Reopen Nominations. They could give it to Maurice Gibb - I'm sure Tom would understand.