Monday, July 04, 2005

SHAMBLING ON

As is the way with all gigs, you should check locally before stepping out, but with Babyshambles, you might want to keep checking all the way to the gig that Doherty & cos three gigs haven't just disappeared. The plans:

Bristol Carling Academy (August 1)
Manchester University (2)
London Carling Brixton Academy (6)

Meanwhile, the tabloids are having great fun kicking Pete about - if they were worried that his strange heroin implants was going to rob them of the Jimmy Corkhill of our day, they're not now. The Mirror rubs its hands together:

PANICKING Live 8 organisers tried to axe Pete Doherty from the show after he arrived late and apparently high on drugs. The Babyshambles singer was found slumped in a chair before his duet with Elton John. A source said: "He could hardly open his eyes."

Doherty, watched by girlfriend Kate Moss, stumbled on stage and was booed for forgetting his words to T-Rex's Children of the Revolution.


And another of the tabloids chipped in with this:

HEROIN addict star Pete Doherty was branded "a complete shambles" and a "waste of space" after performing a pathetic duet with Sir Elton John. The crowd booed as he STAGGERED round the stage and FORGOT the lyrics of the T-Rex classic Children Of The Revolution.

Singer Charlotte Church fumed: "He's a bit of a waste of space. I
don't think he can really sing."

And Celebrity Love Island star Paul Danan, who was in the crowd at
the Hyde Park, added: "Doherty was shit. He did not deserve to be on the bill. He should never have been allowed on stage. It's an insult to the event and all the other celebrities involved."

Fans cheered when Babyshambles singer Doherty, 25, strutted out in a weird military-style jacket and hat. But he looked off his head as he staggered around the stage with wild eyes caked in purple eye shadow roaming the crowds and, bizarrely, a cigarette lighter stuck in his mouth. Outraged fan Helen Duff, 25, from Croydon, said: "Doherty's performance was a complete disgrace. I feel sickened by his behaviour. It's an insult to the starving people of Africa."

Furious Paul O'Connor, 32, from Bromley, blasted: "Everyone else
appeared sober, so why the hell couldn't he. What does he think he's playing at? This event is for the people of Africa. He has dampened the spirits of those around him."

Despite Doherty's antics, Elton bravely battled on alone through the
cringeworthy hit, at one point kissing Doherty's hand then planting
a smacker on his lips.

And like the true superstar that he is, Elton managed to continue
until the very end.

We do understand that the starving people of Africa held a meeting yesterday morning where the announced they'd refuse to accept any further support unless Pete Doherty apologised. They issued a statement: "We do our bit - sitting there, starving, flies on our face, the whole bit, and then Doherty turns up like that. It's an outrage. You don't know how sickened we feel knowing that some people had paid over a thousand pounds for a seat in the Nokia Luxury Tent, and had to watch Doherty's antics while they were trying to sip chilled white wine and eat canapes. We, the starving of Africa, offer our heartfelt apologies that they had to be subjected to the unthinkable sight of a popstar having taken drugs, ruining what otherwise would have been quite a jolly day out revelling in our plight. Oh, and Annie Lennox... sorry about her being so flat, too."


3 comments:

citylight said...

If Paul Danan says he did not deserve to be on the bill, really who are we to mock?

M.C. Glammer said...

If anybody knows about taking a mind-altering substance that makes you act like a dick it's Paul Danan.

palmer_eldritch said...

"an insult to the other celebrities" - Doherty commits the cardinal sin of our times.

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