Saturday, September 17, 2005

JACK WHITE PUTS LIFE ON HOLD

It's not gone down well with his wife Karen Elson (if "wife" is the right word for someone who got married in some sort of obscure amazonian ceremony), but Jack White has apparently cancelled everything to help Renee Zellweger as she emerges from under the brim of Kenny Chesney's hat. Luckily, the Daily Snack has a "stateside spy" (on their budget, we're guessing it's a woman ringing through from the tabloid rack in a King Soopers while her shopping is bagged) who fills in the entire story:

"Jack and Renee have always been soulmates, even after they separated. He was devastated when she married Kenny four months after they separated, without telling him about it. He told her it was a mistake to get hitched so quickly.

"Weeks later, he married Karen in an equally-secret wedding after a whirlwind four-month romance.

"But although Jack’s relieved Renee’s marriage has ended, he hated to hear how upset she sounded on the phone. So he dropped everything to be by her side.

"Karen only found out after he’d left. And she was absolutely horrified. She knows that although Jack is very fond of her, she will never measure up to Renee. And she’s terrified he will rekindle his romance with her.

"But he assured her the last thing Renee wants right now is another relationship."


Got that? it's missing a crazy, wisecracking room-mate and a subplot with the owner of the coffeshop down the road, but... well, it's not very indie at all, is it? We don't want to stir, but if Jason VonBondie was to nip in and start seeing Karen Elson, that'd make one hell of a season finale.

10 comments:

Anonymous said...

well i think they should go back together i think they steel love each other

Anonymous said...

i think jack and renee very mush in love they should get married

Anonymous said...

What the hell? His recording schedule? He's in Canada. TOURING.

Anonymous said...

What a load of shit. I only hope people gossip just as much about the ass who wrote that article. Wank

Anonymous said...

why is any of that relavent? why does anyone care what Jack does, if it doesnt affect their music, and it wont. So there. fuckoff ya bunch of gossipers.

Anonymous said...

wow thats odd....cause i've just seen jack white perform for the last three days AFTER this was written....wank ass gossip. let me suggest a new
title.... "lying "journalist" puts
class and truth on hold"

simon h b said...

Why is it relevant? Because, surely, artists' work is the sum of the course of their lives?

And, yes, White's on tour at the moment. He had a week off in his schedule about the same time as Renee and Kenny came to grief.

simon h b said...

Added to which, of course... Renee and Kenny splashed their wedding with precision media control (front page of nearly every UK paper, for example) - are we only supposed to look when the rich tell us to?

Anonymous said...

The White Stripes had a week off, but she was all over the place promoting her latest movie at the time.

selena gomez said...

Thank you, your article is very good

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