ANY OLD ARCTIC MONKEYS STORY WILL DO

The Arctic Monkeys popped up last night on BBC One's Ten O'Clock News, which reported they use the internets to sell records; and with shops predicting their debut album will sell out (82 copies a minute supposedly sold on Monday), everyone wants an Arctic Monkeys story for their newspaper.

The Daily Record has got an exclusive story about the theft of Andy Nicholson's trainer during a stage dive, and the lengths the band are going to to try and stop it appearing on eBay. (Why? It's not clear - they can probably afford a new pair by now, surely?)

The Sun, meanwhile, has tracked down Glyn Jones. Who he?

Exactly.

He was the singer with the band three years ago. (We know, the existence of the band in 2003 hardly fits the "instant success" storyline, but let that one go.) He's not bitter at what happened after he left:

“I’m really proud of them all. What they have done is amazing and I doubt if I had stayed in the band they would have got this far. What the Arctic Monkeys are now is completely different to three years ago, when it was just a gang of mates in a garage.

“My mum and dad are more upset I left the band than I am.

“I just didn’t have the dedication to be in a band so I don’t get jealous when I see them on MTV.”

We love the idea that it's parents who are upset - we picture them clipping him round the head: "Why couldn't you have wasted your time in a stupid band, young man, with a head full of dreams? Oh no, you had to be sensible and get a job as a marketing assistant. Why couldn't you have tried to make less of yourself, eh?"

music arctic monkeys glyn jones