LEE RYAN IS OFFAL

In a bumbling attempt to try and take interest away from all those rumours that he's about to be dropped by his label, Lee Ryan managed to blurt out news about a pregnancy on live radio yesterday. He was on Suzie McGuire's Clyde1 show and after telling her she had "a real glow" then trumpeted "I hear you've got good news - another bun in the oven." A real glow? A bun in the oven? Can you actually only get Lee Ryan in black and white, or is it just the thought of women and reproduction that turns him into Terry-Thomas?

Then, remembering he was in Scotland, he started parping about how much he loved haggis. (Had it been Ireland, of course, it would have been Guiness.)

"I ate two portions of it - I loved it. It was gorgeous and I'm getting the recipe for it."

Right, Lee, you're going to go down the butchers, buy a sheep's stomach, and stuff it in your own kitchen, aren't you?

Some of you might be curious as to how Lee - who famously didn't give a shit about the thousands of people who were brutally murdered as they went about their business on September 11th, 2001 because "elephants are dying" - would be sitting down to scoff a meat dish anyway. Surely someone who cares about animals that they're unable to empathise with the sudden, shocking bereavement of tens of thousands of people would be a vegetarian, right? No, it turns out that Ryan has managed to create a belief system which lets him cry over ivory rustling but still enjoy the thought of millions of cows being inexpertly stunned and put into mincing machines:

Cruelty to animals. Im not a vegetarian though 'cos i beleive in the circle of life. If i was an animal living in the jungle and i got eaten, id be cool!

We're not quite sure what jungle it is that Lee hunts his Happy Meal down in, but you can't argue with that. In the same way you can't debate with an Action Man.

Our picture suggests that Lee needs help putting his trousers on - "thats right, one leg in each hole, and make sure the zippy bit is at the front; and make sure your fireman is safely tucked away before you do that zip up, Lee..."

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