KIM TATE CLAIMS GELDOF AS A CONQUEST

Poor old Claire King, eh? She's so crushed by (apparently) having had an affair with Bob Geldof while he was still with Paula:

"There have been many people in my life, some famous, some not so famous. It's not my fault that Bob Geldof happens to be one of the most high-profile celebrities in the world."

Yeah, that must be a bugger, what with an autobiography to promote and all.

The pair met up for sex in hotels across the country, with Geldof declaring: "I can't live with you, but I couldn't live without you."

The award-winning actress - who appears in BBC1's Mayo tonight -said Geldof told her he'd written the song Skin On Skin on the Rats' V Deep album for her - with sexually explicit lyrics including the line: "I want to bruise your lips."

Let's not raise our eyebrows and ponder how many lead singers tell their Holiday Inn Express bunk-ups "yeah, track three, side two... that's about you, that is..."

The real puzzle about Claire King is why she never protested when Yorkshire TV changed the character of Kim Tate overnight, therbey completely negating the whole point of her existence (she'd originally been a Frankie Baldwin style character, of a mistress turned devoted family matriarch, but then all of a sudden became a manipulative evil cow, without even so much as a "ow, i have been hit by a picnic table" motivation). Oddly, though, she wants to focus on the fact that she shagged Geldof.

Not that she's telling us because he's famous, you know. Oh, no, she'd be selling her book off the back of him even if he wasn't:

To me he was always Geldof. I would have written about him whether he was famous or not. I'm not intending to cause any trouble - but I couldn't have left him out as he was one of the biggest loves of my life.

"I loved his manner, his Irish accent and the low voice. You never really expected him to laugh and when he did it was such a joy. Geldof and I were irresistibly drawn to one another. It was that strong chemistry which always brought us back together over the years."

Good lord. No doubt he made you feel like a woman for the first time in your life, too?

"Geldof made me feel like a woman for the first time in my life. Afterwards I realised: 'This is what people talk about, the fireworks.' I was a naive 17-year-old and not that experienced sexually. It hadn't really hit me that making love could be so fantastic until I slept with Geldof. He just took control and knew what to do.

"He kept his vest on when we made love."

Claire, honey, a man who wears a vest - never mind leaves it on while shagging - doesn't know what to do.

Still, there must have been pillow talk, yes?

He loved talking about politics. He chatted about Margaret Thatcher a lot. He wasn't keen on her but still admired her.

He wore a vest and then lay there, sweat soaking into his M&S undies, talking about how great the woman who was embarking on destructing the country was? Is it just us, or does anyone else think she might have actually been getting confused between Bobs Geldof and Ferris?

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