KNOW YOUR PLACE, WARNS CHURCH

Hey, kids - thinking of fame, fortune, and maybe even a rugby-playing b-list boyfriend?

Well, don't. Millionaire Charlotte Church says it rubbish:

“If I had to give advice to young girls who want to be famous, I’d say unless you have thick skin and nerves of steel, don’t do it.

“Being a teenager is confusing enough without having to read all these opinions about you.

“Once you are older, you are probably better equipped to deal with it.”

Speaking from her solid gold helicopter, from somewhere above the vast tracts of the planet she owns, Charlotte paused a while to eat some lark's tongues stuffed with gold and swan's liver before heading off to have her feet massaged by a team of naked slaves.

music charlotte church