Spears on Sunday: Tabloid round-up

Having been fairly humiliated by Britney during their ill-advised marriage, we wonder why Kevin Federline is offering to stand by her?

Look, we can hear you shouting "right of attorney", and that's just unfair, alright?

The reconciliation might be a bit shaky, though, as the News of the World reckons Brit might have put Kev on some sort of superpowered shitlist, along with other unhappy behaviour:

# THREATENED to commit suicide by gulping down TWO family-size bottles of painkillers.
# WAS STRIPPED and searched after medics feared she'd smuggled a stash of cocaine into the rehab clinic.
# CONCEALED a "Death List" of people she wishes would die— including her husband.
# OFFERED Kevin £100,000 to drop a custody hearing over their two sons.
# BELIEVES she is being bugged as she sleeps and checks every morning for listening devices.

It's good to see the doctor-patient confidentiality clause is as strong in rehab clinics as it is in proper hospitals - although, frankly, it sounds like Britney probably needs something more than a showbiz detox unit right now.

Curiously, the Sunday Mirror suggests in its interview with Jason Alexander that he is "her first husband", although - since the marriage was annulled - he isn't. But then the Smirror has never let a few facts frustrate a good story.

Jason has "broken his silence" out of concern. Not for cash, it's worry:

BRITNEY Spears' first husband has broken his silence about her long-term use of cocaine, ecstasy and "downer" drugs - because he fears she could end up dead like tragic model Anna Nicole Smith.

Surely, Jason, if you've been that worried, it might have been more use to mention this before she shaved her head off and succumbed to cocaine psychosis - otherwise, your intervention looks even less "I told you so" than "yeah, I could have told you that would happen."

Recalling the wildest few days of his own life with the troubled star, Jason says she stayed up for three days and three nights, high on Class-A drugs

He confessed: "We used ecstasy at night to party and cocaine during the day to stay awake. Then we would take downers like Valium or Vicodin to come down and rest. Britney stayed up three days straight over New Year. I couldn't keep up.

"She definitely had a problem with drugs when we were together - and that was three years ago.

"She has got herself in a cycle which is hard to break."

You think, Jason, she still might have the problem?

It's only out of concern that Jason tells the story of the time she necked too much E and needed rapid treatment. And, of course, you can't appeal for your first love to sort herself out without selling some mildly salacious low-level bisexual flirting tale to the papers, can you?

The next day was New Year's Day 2004 and after they went shopping at a mall, Jason saw Britney's wilder sexual side - when she started getting frisky with some of her backing dancers - both male and female.

He continued: "We wore out everybody with us and they went back to the hotel. Soon it was just me, Britney and some of her back-up dancers who were with her.

"Eventually we ended up back in the room where the party continued. Britney stripped down and was dancing naked on the table with a bunch of her dancers.

"They were squeezing her tits and ass. I was sitting off to the side, buzzed and watching it all go down.

"But later on I saw Britney walk back to one of the bedrooms with one of the female dancers.

"When she didn't come out in about five minutes, I got up to investigate. The door was unlocked so, of course, I had to open it.

"Every guy I know would love to see some buck-naked bitches going at it and that is exactly what was behind door number one.

"It was like winning the sex lotto. Britney and this girl were having some lesbian fun, so I did what every other straight guy would do - I dropped my pants and hopped right into the middle of it and enjoyed every second. It was definitely a New Year's Day to remember."

Of course, without Jason sharing that story with the press, there's every chance Britney could end up like Anna Nicole Smith.

Amusingly, it's the Smirror's sister paper, The People which puts Jason's concern into a bit more context. It seems, luckily, he's had a book just about to roll, and knowing about that hasn't exactly had the positive effect he'd been promising:

A source close to the singer said: "Jason had mentioned his plan to write a book on his time with Britney before.

"But she didn't believe he would actually go through with it. Now she knows what's in the book she is devastated.

"She never thought he'd discuss the sex they had together and her problem with drugs."

Jason, 25, admitted: "There are things that will upset her, things she will be mad at. The book focuses on stuff no one knows - our sex life, everything. There's no holding back."

Jason is so clear in the Mirror that he's afraid of Britney ending up "like Anna Nicole-Smith", but presumably only because of the guilt, then.