What makes Rav Singh the "hottest showbusiness reporter" in Britain? Perhaps its because only he could come up with stuff like this:
Looking pretty in pink, she used her magic to lift the crowd from out of the mud and get them all dancing and Smiling to her super ska tunes.
That's an exclusive the others won't have, then. Lily Allen wore a pink top and played Glastonbury.
To be fair, he also has a picture of Pete Doherty riding a bike, asking "who would ride a bike in the mud", for all the world like a man who hasn't heard of mountain biking.
Zoe, in the Sunday Mirror, actually seems to have taken the trouble to go to the festival, or at least sent someone who has reported back. She does make the surprising claim that Amy Winehouse and Blake Fielder-Civil are treating the weekend 'like a honeymoon' because, erm, they're sleeping in a teepee. And she claims to have spotted a bust-up between Pete and Kate:
I saw her drag him out of the bar at midnight on Friday, telling him to behave or he'd look stupid.
She took his drink, threw it over the floor and stormed to their trailer.
Warning Doherty he'll look stupid is a little like trying warning people not to go to Glastonbury because they'll get muddy, isn't it?
And, in something that actually approaches being interesting, Zoe reports on what big prima donnas the Killers are:
Snappers were left fuming when they were asked to leave the photo-pit but the crowd didn't seem to mind in the slightest.
Unusual that - the crowd normally only turn out to see the photographers.
Zoe really has won the Sunday tabloid war this year - over at the People, Debbie Manley and Alice Walker are, like Rav, reduced to talking about the colour of Lily Allen's clothes to fill the space:
The glum singer, 22, wearing a bright blue coat, should have taken her own advice to Smile before her performance on the main stage.
Although, as even Rav managed to work out (by listening to what she said on stage) Lily was understandably a bit nervous about such a huge gig. Which might make anyone frown a little.