Levine: Something of a charmer

Adam Levine - what a guy: he reckons he dumped Maria Sharapova because of her behaviour during sex:

She wouldn’t make any noise during sex.

"I can't tell you how disappointed I was. I really thought, like a lot of guys, that she'd be the loud screaming type.

"But instead, she just lay there like a dead frog."

Adam, sweetheart, as most IT support desks could tell you: if you're not getting the results you expect, it's usually down to operator error. Something wrong with the input.

"She even got angry if I started to moan, said it 'ruined her concentration."

She was probably afraid you were about to burst into song.

"It was so disillusioning that I went on Paxil for a month afterwards.

"Really, it was much more of a shock than when I found out there's no such thing as the Easter Bunny."

Really? Or was it more like the time you realised you couldn't fly, Adam?

Still, it's not like he's going to need to worry in the future - who's going to have sex with a man who - if it doesn't live up to his Porkys fantasises - goes to the press to whine like a fifteen year-old about it?