Male nannies? Whatever next? Female milkmen?

The Mirror has got itself all excited by the news of Madonna hiring a bloke to be nanny for David Banda. Yes, a man. Can you imagine anything more unlikely, apart from that dog that was a district attorney?

The paper seems impressed with the terms and conditions:

He has been hired round the clock and is being paid a generous £1,600-£2,000 a month for the job.

Apart from being incredibly vague - a hundred quid a month difference between the top and bottom level there suggests that someone's just found the usual rates a nanny could charge - it sounds less generous when you factor in being "hired round the clock". Even if it wasn't Madonna's perpetual beck and call that one was at, you might consider that a poor deal.

And that's before you hear the rest of the alleged working conditions:

"The manny has been told he will only look after David, not the other children.

"Madonna is very strict with her rules for whoever looks after her children as she wants the best standards for them.

"He will be a live-in nanny and need to be available 24/7.

"The manny has been given specific instructions never to bring a girlfriend back to the house and not to bring home any women younger than 30.

"She has also banned him from watching TV in the house, having a TV in his room and reading newspapers or magazines at at home."

So, he's been banned from any contact with the outside world and the people he spends his time with is being strictly controlled - perhaps they should throw in a couple of facile tasks every week and stream it on E4 as a replacement for Big Brother.

Still, nice to hear that Madonna is leaving the bulk of the care of that child she was so desperate to adopt to, erm, somebody hired in for the purpose.