Rav Singh ruins Christmas for everyone

Rav Singh, the showbizziest writer in the world (or something) reckons that George Michael is going to write The Spice Girls' comeback single:

My music insider told me: "The girls are thrilled to be in talks with George.

"He's one of the most talented songwriters around and it will make their comeback bigger and better than ever."

Yes, the source is not only anonymous, but vague to the point of parody - what the hell is a "music insider"? It could be Elton John, it could be the bloke who tunes the piano in the village hall.

We're also a little bemused as to how the girls are currently "in talks" with Michael to write a single that Singh and his paper were reporting was being recorded back in May.

And since when was George Michael great at writing hit singles? Like, recently? It's like getting Kevin Keegan in to play in goal for you, combining someone who's well past their best with the role they never really excelled at.

Still, the "music insider" is already putting this track in a "two horse race" for number one at Christmas. And if a possible Spice Girls/Michael link-up seems vague, they're currently battling about 200 other people in this two-horse race:

My insider added: "This year's Christmas No1 is a two-horse race and is impossible to call. The X Factor looks unstoppable, and the show's been getting some really good ratings too."

This sort of vague, could-have-read-it-in-any-paper analysis makes us lean towards the "village hall piano tuner" status for Rav's insider.