Gordon finds his feet

Still, lets be fair to Gordon, it's his first proper day and he probably had to balance writing the column with trying to price a three-bedroom semi-detached in Ruislip,so what else does he have?

Pictures of Jordan's breasts (sorry, "bangers", a word that Smart seems determined to make his own); someone has sent him a photo of Dannii Minogue wearing a tshirt and Amy Winehouse has a secret love of wrestling.

Eh?

Wrestling?

Now, if ever a story sounds like someone ringing up the Smartline - 020 7782 4036, according to the desperate plea for stories at the top of the page - and making something up for shits and grins, Amy Winehouse's love of WWE would be it, but let's assume that it's a true story. You or I might have given it a small, Sunspot style nib at the bottom. Gordon, though, has seized it with both hands, and gone to the extent of imagining what Amy would be like if she was a wrestler. Trained by, erm, Pete Doherty.