Gordon counts down to Christmas

It's December 1st, the first day of advent. Or at least, the day on which advent calendars start. And Gordon Smart, of course, doesn't want to be left out of the fun. At home, we suspect he's got a Bratz Chocolate one, but at work - inevitably - it's the:

Xmas crackers advent calendar

Helping Gordon find his excuse to print pictures of women in push-up bras, it's a feature deftly combining the coming of the Christ-child with cleavage shots.

Behind door number - we suspect behind every door - there's a picture of Jordan. Now, Gordon's not daft; he knows that nobody is going to pay him money simply for picking 24 pictures. So he's written some, uh, festive badinage to accompany the picture:

JORDAN would roast any man's chestnuts if she slid down the chimney on a cold Christmas morning.

Forget the Queen's speech, it'll be cold turkey compared with unwrapping her presents.

Looking at a soft porn star's breasts makes the Queen's speech like quitting heroin. Of course.