Gordon in the morning

Keira Knightley has done a shoot for Elle magazine with a not-especially-short skirt. Gordon welcomes this, of course:

WE are so used to seeing KEIRA KNIGHTLEY dressed up to the nines in Victorian clobber.

Which makes it a nice change to see her show off a bit of flesh and, of course, wearing a pair of boots.

We're surprised that Gordon has got "used to seeing" her in Victorian clothes. Perhaps she goes round trussed up in outfits especially for him. Or maybe he thinks that Atonement is Victorian rather than inter-war [Corrected - see comments]. Or that Pirates of the Caribbean and Sense and Sensibility are Victorian rather than Georgian. Or perhaps Gordon just thinks anything before Trainspotting came out is Victorian.

He's also got pictures from Lindsay Lohan's "comeback" advert campaign, which sees Lohan sharing the stage with what looks like Marvel superheroes reimagined by a not especially talented facepainter. Naturally, there has to be a reference to the upskirt shots Bizarre is so fond of running, but how to do it without making it sound gratuitous?

Lohan also made headlines for forgetting her knickers - which could explain where Baby Spidey came from.

Eh? What does that even mean? Does Gordon think that if you don't wear pants you get pregnant as a result? By, erm, a superhero? Or is he confusing pubic hair and webs?