Gordon in the morning: Kylie and the Brits

There's are tow different leads in Bizarre this morning. The newspaper version splashes with the Brits - "Chart acts rule the show" says the paper, although by the time the page appeared on the internet, someone apparently realised that the number of acts who get nominated for a Brit without having obtained some chart success is probably so close to zero as to effectively be none, and the headline morphs into:

Brit Awards go pop for 2008

- which at least makes sense, although Smart's summation that this is a year when pop rules the nominations is a little undercut by, erm, his own commentary:

ARCTIC MONKEYS, KAISER CHIEFS, MARK RONSON and KATE NASH should be in for a good night too, with three nominations each.

And fair play to the academy for nominating the brilliant RICHARD HAWLEY in the Best Male category.

Indeed, surely the line-up of nominations mean that this is the year pop doesn't rule the Brits, with Girls Aloud and Take That outnumbered by three rock (albeit Tesco rock) acts in best group; Leona Lewis the sole pop act up for best female; and Mika the closest thing to pop in the best male category.

Online Bizarre, though, knocks the Brit nominations into second place to make way for a throwaway comment Kylie made elsewhere:

“I enjoy dating, so I’m not totally alone. Don’t worry about it.

“It’s not that long ago that I came out of my last relationship.

“A year had gone by really quickly with me running out of illness and trying to just embrace health as much as possible.

“So I haven’t really had that much time to sit and feel like, ‘where’s Mr Right?’ I’m sure he’s making his way.”

Now, this, to us, makes it sound like Kylie's nipping out for the odd drink-and-baked-potato for laid-back dating, but is neither looking for, nor expecting, to have a big romance right now.

Gordon reads it in the opposite way:

It’s time for guy to get so lucky

Lads! Kylie's looking for Mr Right

But it doesn't matter anyway, as it's really just an excuse for bunging in a bunch of photos of Kylie in her knickers.

Aware that this isn't quite enough, though, Gordon tells us about something he saw on television a week ago:

One fella who has been trying to make his way is E4 presenter and actor MATHEW HORNE.

SIMON AMSTELL grilled him during TV’s Never Mind The Buzzcocks the other week, forcing Mathew to confess to sending Kylie his phone number and flowers.

If that’s all it takes, I’ll be on to Interflora tomorrow.

Hang on a moment, though, Gordon: according to the MySpace someone shared with us in the comments yesterday, wouldn't you also have to come to an arrangement with your wife before dialing the flower shop?

Elsewhere, a photo of Victoria Beckham wearing a headscarf leads Gordon to surmise that, erm, she should be given a lead role in the new Rambo movie:

THE fourth Rambo film is out next month – and after seeing this snap of VICTORIA BECKHAM I reckon she’d make a terrific leading lady.

Gordon, presumably, does understand that when a major Hollywood movie has a release date less than a month in the future, it might be a little late to be casting lead roles.

But it's not just the bandanna, Gordon is also excited by Victoria's unbuttoned shirt:

I couldn’t give a monkey’s about what the fashion critics say about the outfit – a shirt showing off the assets is absolutely fine by me.

You have to feel sorry for his wife, don't you? It can't be that great having a husband whose job is publicly drooling over women out of his league, like a circle of embarrassment, can it?