Showbiz Zoe sidelines the Osbournes

News which will make Sharon Osbourne's ire explode in today's Showbiz with Zoe column in the Sunday Mirror:

SCARLETT JOHANSSON TO FRONT BRITS

Isn't that what the Osbournes have been asked to do?

Let's hope that Zoe is just extrapolating wildly, though:

The Lost In Translation actress has been confirmed to present an award and - more importantly - she has also been invited to perform at the bash on February 20.

Really? We know Johansson has got a record in the works, and that she appeared with the Mary Chain, but wouldn't it be a bit of an odd message to send out on a celebration of how great British music is to need an American actress to pad out the bill?

We're not sure we believe Zoe anyway: her take on the Brits is, um, a little odd:

It used to be a night for greasy-haired blokes with guitars, but this year's Brit Awards is all about lipstick, stilettos and posh frocks.

"Greasy-haired blokes with guitars"? Have Iron Maiden secretly been dominating proceedings over the past few years?