Wednesday, April 02, 2008

Gordon in the morning: IMDB shocker

We're a little puzzled about the excitement over the "discovery" that Dita Von Teese has made some blue movies. Leading off Gordon's column this morning, Brian Flynn gets all panty:

Dita has a secret porn flick past

This is, apparently, an "exclusive", although how exclusive "something listed on IMDB and in her Wikipedia entry" can be is questionable.
BUSTY new Wonderbra model DITA VON TEESE has a secret hardcore porn past, The Sun can reveal.

It's neither secret nor particularly hardcore, to be honest:
In one scene the former wife of goth rocker MARILYN MANSON romps with a leggy beauty with a sex toy. In another she cavorts with two stunners in corsets.

Goodness. You wonder how many times Mr Flynn had to watch this to make sure. Perhaps he was so riveted with the, uh, shock he wasn't able to check with this "secret past" really was as secret he seems to believe.

If you went down the adult book shop, and asked the guy behind the counter for "something hardcore", and got home to discover a DVD with someone "cavorting" with "two stunners in corsets", you might feel a little short-changed, mightn't you?

The Sun tries to suggest that Wonderbra are going to be shocked and upset to discover that VonTeese has these items on her cv and tries to work up some outrage:
Dita’s burlesque show had previously been seen as so high brow she was even interviewed on Radio 4.

But - and let's assume that anyone has ever thought her act highbrow - why would a few films she made years ago suddenly make what she's doing now any less artistically valid? If it turned out Damien Hirst used to be a strippergram when he was 18, it doesn't suddenly change the stuff he's done since, does it?

We've observed before that the Sun - a paper which, effectively, is built on topless girls - has a strange attitude to the women who actually make the sort of material upon which it thrives. Can either Gordon or Brian explain exactly what it is that's supposed to be the problem here? Or are they merely working their way through the early movies of everyone currently working in showbiz?

It's worth noting that while the Bizarre column is having a little fume at Von Teese for having made a film - for adults - on the top left, on the top right Smart is running a picture looking down Kelly Brook's top at her tits. Isn't that sort of thing - in a "family" newspaper - much more sleazy than a adult movie, made for, and watched by, adults?

And - having condemned Von Teese for appearing in movie where she cavorts with women in corsets - right underneath, here's a piece by Gordon, right underneath, with a photo of Abbey Clancy:
HERE’s ABBEY CLANCY cavorting in hot pants and a corset for a new ad campaign for lads’ deodorant.

Boyfriend PETER CROUCH must think he has scored every night going out with such a gorgeous lass.

See more shots of Abbey by clicking on the link below.

So... that's Gordon Smart running hardcore porn, then, is it?

1 comment:

Laura Brown said...

Out of curiosity, am I the only one who can't see the word "cavort" without thinking of a gnu?

I'm sure the only groups who actually use that word any more are wildlife biologists writing about wildebeest and lazy journalists writing about porn.

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