Wednesday, April 09, 2008

Gordon in the morning: Under the glowing flame

For reasons we can't quite place - although we suspect it might have something to do with Murdoch's craven courting of the Chinese government - the business of Bizarre, along with all other business of The Sun, is taking place under a Sun masthead featuring an animated gif of an "olympic" flame. Presumably it's only a matter of time before the paper's website completes its rewind to 1996 and features dripping blood and dancing babies all over the shop.

Gordon's main business this morning is claims sourced from a "senior police source" that Naomi Campbell suggests she was only arrested and cautioned "because she was black", but:

“It’s a bit rich coming from her.

“The WPC said she was called a white this and a white that.

“She has been away from work since the incident.”

Gordon pulls, well, most of his punches detailing what Campbell supposedly said:
Now cops claim she called a WPC a “white ****” and a “white s**g” as she was dragged off the LA-bound jet in handcuffs.

The police source said Naomi continued, screaming: “****ing white honkeys” at the officer and her colleagues.

So, "slag" loses its middle letters - presumably lest readers assume Campbell said "shit", but the first word is lost in its entirety. Presumably "cunt"? So Gordon's readership would blanch at looking at his page to see some good old-fashioned shots down women's shirts and talk about breasts, only to come across foul language. And the fit of vapours would be so bad, they can't even have a hint of what one word is - but, equally, "slag" would be unacceptable for them, but enough clues can point to the word without spelling it out, so they'll know its meant to be slag anyway.

Also, while none of Campbell's alleged behaviour is pleasant, is being called a "s**g" or a "****" really so bad member of the police force would have to take time off work to recover?

Gordon mentions that Naomi has been banned from BA flights in future; he doesn't offer any explanation as to why not being allowed on the fall-apart flag carrier is considered to be a punishment. "Go on, go and see if American can lose your suitcases."

More airport fun: Geri Halliwell passes through security at LAX; her kid gets a bit grumpy. An everyday event, you might think. Not so Gordo:
Whinger Spice

SINGER GERI HALLIWELL grabs daughter Bluebell Madonna by her hoodie — as the tot has a tantrum at an airport.

Seriously, Gordon, if you think having a pop at a toddler for not enjoying waiting in a hot airport to be checked for explosives is the stuff of journalism, you might want to step aside.

Pushing Gordon out the way, Pete Samson delivers an opinion piece on Pete Doherty's incarceration. It's headlined:
About Time Too

- we suspect that refers to his elevation to official voice of the Bizarre column rather than Pete's imprisonment, but maybe not.
By finally jailing him it gives the right message to Pete and his fans.

... although, we're pretty certain, just liking someone's music doesn't yet constitute a criminal offence, is it?