Tuesday, May 06, 2008

Kanye promises not to be "Michael Jacksoned"

Kanye's been blogging again. He appears to have been caught swearing on stage because his plasma screens were broken:

Don't believe the hype! When I started the show the other night we were having a lot of technical issues due 2 the heat. The 2 huge screens on both sides of the stage were glaring bright blue like when your DVD player acts up at home. I asked for them 2 turn the screens off 3 times because it was distracting 2 the show. The fans were not getting what they paid for. I admit, in my frustration, I did use profanity on the 4th time I asked. I stopped the show 2 go over and check it out myself. After the screens were turned off I started the same song from the beginning. The screens were eventually fixed 5 songs in but it was definitely better 2 have them blacked out rather than bright blue.

It's arguable if people who pay to see Kanye West actually think they're paying to watch the television instead, but never mind. It's the "don't believe the hype" that should detain us here - because Kanye is worried about how he's being portrayed in the media. Again.
Unfortunately for certain media outlets, you will never be able 2 'Michael Jackson' me. That means 2 make it seem like everything I do is so weird or out of place... they always try 2 make it seem like everything is about my ego! That joke is getting old. At a certain point you have 2 respect that I'm one of the last artist that still cares about the fans having the best time of there lives!

Yes. All the other pop stars - they don't care like Kanye. All the lad was doing was trying to stage-manage from centre stage - for the fans, whose little, empty lives could only form into some sort of meaningfulness for a moment or two if there was a big screen with a Kanye-mandated animated teddy bear or something on it.

We're not sure that Kanye is right using Michael Jackson as a verb in this case - one of us has clearly terribly misunderstood the Jacko story, which we thought was about Jesus juice and sharing bedrooms with young friends in a totally non-sexual way rather than swearing at television screens.

Kanye then goes on to crawl a little to the blogosphere, or at least the self-appointed kings of it:
Thanks 2 Bossip and Perez for taking it easy on me on the EW spaz... I did go in a little 2 much on that one. I'm sure there are some cool people who work over there and had nothing 2 do with that review. With all that said.... "I'm still the greatest!!!" lol!! Oh and I was in the studio with T.I. last night.... so get ready!!!

LOL indeed, Mr. West. LOL indeed.


6 comments:

Anonymous said...

I fkn h8 txt mssgs - how hard is it to type 'to' instead of '2'. But I guess I'm not 'down wid da kidz'.

Jack said...

The thing that amuses me/causes me to despair most is that the rest of the writing is fairly good. It's not lyk he iz typin lyk dis or nethin. (that took me far too long to type).

It's such a shame, because the rest of his lyrics are so great. Especially the ones where he's saying that all girls that don't immediately want to have sex with him are gay.

James said...

I love this bit: "The 2 huge screens on both sides of the stage were glaring bright blue like when your DVD player acts up at home."

With one technical hitch, Kanye West goes from iconic 21st century hiphop artist to bumbling History teacher trying to figure out how to play a video about the Plague. I can see it now...
*blue screen appears*
Kanye: "Oh dear... Right, that's not meant to be happening... Hang on... *picks up remote control* Bear with me... It says I should press 'Play'... There isn't a Play button... I've got 'BBC1', 'BBC2', 'BBC3', 'ITV1', , 'ITV2'..."
Audience: "THAT'S THE TV REMOTE!"
Kanye: "Is it?"
Audience: "YES!"
Kanye: "Oh, hang on, I want this one... Right, I've pressed Play... Nothing's happening... Ah!"
*animated bear appears, halfway through song*
Kanye: "No, that's not the beginning... How do I... Ah, 'Rewind'"
*bear whizzes backwards*
Kanye: "Oh... Have we got to wait for it to get all the way back to the start?"
Audience: "NO! YOU PUSHED 'VISUAL SEARCH'! PUSH 'REWIND'!"
Kanye: "Are you sure?"
Audience: "YES! MY DAD'S GOT THE SAME VIDEO!"
Kanye: "Right... Stop... Rewind..."
*awkward pause*
Kanye: "Haha... My one at home's different to this... Nearly there..."
*clunk*
Kanye: "Aha! Right, 'Play'..."
*ludicrously overblown audio-visual space-opera extravaganza bursts onto screen*
Kanye: "HERE WE GO!"
*screen flickers*
*'How We Used To Live' opening titles appear*
Kanye: "Balls."

simon h b said...

James, I think you deserve a small prize for the first mention of How We Used To Live on No Rock.

My favourite was the mother being arrested for shoplifting on the day the first supermarket opened in the town, having gone shopping during the 1966 World Cup Final.

Eleanor said...

I think James also deserves a prize for most amusing blog post response....

James said...

A prize? Thanks! Can I have the dark blue carriage-clock with 'Programmes for Schools and Colleges' in the middle, please?

*prepares to spend the rest of life counting down "5! 4! 3! 2! 1!" then making rocket take-off noises every minute*

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