Regular readers of Gordon Smart's column will be familiar with Blake Fielder-Civil's plans to dump Amy Winehouse and run off with a "mystery blonde" who may or may not have turned out to be a brunette. So, they'll be slightly confused today to discover that, erm, actually, he's planning to dump Amy and run off with a different mystery blonde - or, in the words of Richard White, "Showbiz reporter":
Fielder-Civil has supposedly been sending sexy letters to Melissa Goldstone which have, somehow, got into the paper this morning:
Yes, you don't want to open a newspaper to read a journalist writing about a woman's tits only to be confronted with someone getting all sexual, do you? Presumably to save himself from feeling sexy-sexy-wrong, White concentrates on spelling and grammar:
We're at a lost how the paper can happily chat away about Blake throttling the woman during sex and then suddenly decide that the rest of the letter is too disturbing to share - perhaps he's going to ask her to beat him with a Daily Mirror.
Blake, it turns out, really isn't very bright:
Yes. Yes, we imagine she probably has.
Meanwhile, Pete Samson is reporting that Amy has stormed out of her clinic - the one the Sunday People was insisting that she wasn't going to leave until Blake was out:
Ah, yes, that slippery slope: a day out is the gateway drug to living outside.
Samson is alarmed. Or, rather, is having Winehouse's friends being alarmed on his behalf:
May? May? Come on, Samson, we can work up more alarm than that, can't we?
Elsewhere on Gordon's Gordonless pages, yet-another-Cole-Tweedy story churns out, notable only for the byline:
Nobody even wants to put their name to the guff anymore, then.
And you can see why. The point of the story seems to be more about quashing a different story:
'Yesterday's reports' having appeared in the now-removed Gordon Smart's Bizarre page, but still on Google News, just:
The Sun, UK - Jun 29, 2008
By JOHN TROUP LOVE rat ASHLEY COLE turned up to his brother’s wedding alone – sparking fresh speculation over his marriage to CHERYL. ...
Interesting that The Sun was so ashamed of its error that it removed the page entirely rather than, say, merely correcting it.