... or they could get Shed Seven to play Going For Gold

That noise? That's the sound of sixty million hearts sinking as the London Olympics organising committee gets into the swing of making the nation feel embarrassed on a global scale.

The contribution we're making to the closing ceremony is Beijing is awful enough: a 1970s rock act playing while David Beckham kicks soccer balls off the back of a routemaster bus. It's like the entire inspiration for the show came by popping into a tourist gift shop off Leicester Square and scribbling notes - I wouldn't be surprised if there's a surprise element where a poorly-made beefeater wanders on, and removes his hat to show he's stuffed full of slightly stale shortbread.

Then, straight after the closing ceremony, there's this kick-start event from outside Buckingham Palace (it seems there's been a law made where all slightly shabby national celebrations have to be sited so as to annoy the Duke Of Edinburgh to the greatest effect) with Heather Small and il Divo churning through a couple of songs. Straight after. You'll move from having seen the power of a ruthless dictatorship burning through a nation's entire health budget for the next three years in the name of entertainment to Il Divo doing one of their tunes.

Still, we've got four years to prepare for the opening ceremony, right? Gordon Brown has got a few ideas:

The PM believes a line-up of rock legends such as Elton John, Paul McCartney and the Rolling Stones will provide a glittering celebration of Britain's talent.

A Downing Street source said: "Gordon Brown is determined to put on the biggest and best rock show the world has ever witnessed."

Of course, Gordon Brown has about as much chance of influencing the 2012 games as he does of getting to dress up as Quatchi, the yeti-esque mascot of the 2010 Winter Olympics. Actually, probably slightly less chance, as he's going to have the time free for the Vancouver Games. But even so - the Stones, Macca and Elton? Is the idea really to suggest that we've not actually created any talent since the three day week? Or is Gordon merely trying to suggest talent whose combined ages in four years time will total to 2012?