Gordon in the morning: Creeping with The Enemy

Success hasn't changed us

- That's the announcement which leads in to the Sun's interview with The Enemy this morning.

It's true.

Other things which haven't changed The Enemy: inventing a flying car; learning to perform open-heart surgery; cradling a dying elk in their arms while angry tanker-drivers hurl insults.

The piece - by Jacqui Swift - claims to be an interview, but also has a star rating for the album at the top.

It's quite sweet, as The Enemy seem to have confused themselves with U2:

[Tom] says: “The biggest achievement is me, Liam and Andy can sit down and still have a pint with each other. We’re still mates. No one’s got an ego.”

Gordon, meanwhile, attempts some SATIRE:

POLE-dancing, PVC and dominatrix action. Sounds like a Saturday night behind closed doors for an MP.

Isn't it all leafing through John Lewis catalogues and buying houses these days, Gordon?

Still, it turns out that we're not talking about MPs at all, but plans for the Girls Aloud tour. Oddly, although Gordon suggests that pole-dancing, PVC and dominiatrixes would be wrong and bad if enjoyed by an MP, he doesn't seem to have a problem with it as part of a family entertainment.

It’s with great pleasure I bring you the news that the foxy five have been taking secret lessons in pole dancing for their Out Of Control tour, which kicks off next Friday at Manchester’s MEN Arena.

Hang about, though, that's pole-dancing "behind closed doors", isn't it?

I’m told: “The girls have been taking tips from some of the best pole dancers in the business to put together a really naughty dance routine for their song Fix Me Up.

“Each of the girls has their own podium-mounted pole to show off their skills and costumes. It’s jaw-dropping stuff.”

Yes. Yes, it's jaw-dropping alright. Or, at least, enough to make you bury your head in your hands.

For Gordon, there's nothing better than the idea of women pole-dancing. Well, almost nothing better. You've gone a bit misty eyed, there, mate - what were you thinking about?

I wonder if they had a spare gimp mask left over for her hubby ASHLEY COLE?

Perhaps if you ask nicely, Gordon.