Let us shed tears for Simon Cowell

It's not easy being pantomime dame to a congregation of the musically lost, you know. Simon Cowell suffers for his artlessness:

Cowell admits he hates having such a full diary because it makes his life so dull.

He says, "The last time I felt that way was when I looked at my diary and realised I had the next 18 months planned. I could tell you where I was going to be every day - which city, what time and almost what I was going to eat. That really depressed me. I thought, 'You can't escape from this.'

"You can't think, 'I want to take the next two months off to clear my head.'"

Actually, you know, you could. Oh, sure, there might be a series of You've Got A Small Talent or two missing from the schedules, but we'd manage somehow.

Can you imagine how Cowell's life must feel, though? I bet he's even got what over-emotional facial expressions he'll be pulling for the next two years: June 23rd, 2010 - three disgusted shakes of the head, one surprised jaw-drop, two hmms.

Talking of, while not denying Boyle has got a good voice, her style was all wrong for Memory and her reading of it left a lot to be desired. Breakfast TV in the States has been applauding her all morning (if you can call reading out pre-scripted gush as applause.) She seems a bit like Whitney Houston, in that people who don't really listen to much music confuse her range with virtuosity.