You know that golf tournament that Gordon was telling us all about yesterday? All a little embarrassing and self-indulgent, wasn't it? Still, it's just one day in summer. It's not like Gordon would return to his pitch and putt for a second day, is it?
And today, it's the big lead in the paper. Which surely means that there was another a big story came out of the day, right? Although, bemusingly, one that wasn't so big it had to be reported yesterday. So what is so big, but not so big, Gordon?
I HAVE a confession to make.
Uh-oh. Don't tell me the penis-size comparison got out of hand.
When ANDY HOPKINS from The Enemy hops on to play the V Festival on crutches this weekend, it's partly my fault.
Oh. (How do you play bass on crutches?) That's it, is it?
The poor lad smashed his heel in a drinking game which got out of hand at the inaugural Bizarre golf tournament.
If you thought Gordon was pushing it detailing the results of a golf game paid for by a PR company, you'll be delighted to hear the even-more-detailed coverage of the hilarious hi-jinks that followed once everyone got drunk.
In short, it was a drinking game:
If you took more than two shots to get the ball in the hole, you had to down half your drink. More than four and the whole drink had to go.
Some terrible putting and a few rounds of rum and ginger and Andy found himself doing his best JURGEN KLINSMANN impression along a slippery outdoor bar.
He got drunk and fell over. Hilarious. Let's all give the guys a round of applause, because becoming drunk and incapable is such a hoot.
What else is there in the Sun today, I wonder? Ooh, here's an interesting piece about David Cameron's new proposals:
The Tory leader plans to stop supermarkets selling boxes of strong lager at rock-bottom prices - sometimes cheaper than the cost of bottled water.
There is growing evidence that many youngsters get "tanked up" on cheap booze from the supermarket before heading out in the night.
And cops fear access to alcohol after pubs and clubs have closed can be a key factor in triggering violence or injuries.
It's terrible, isn't it, The Sun? I wonder where people get the idea that getting drunk and incapable is some sort of a hoot?