Gordon in the morning: He must be on points

Gordon Smart's continuing, bemusing role as patsy for the JLS PR department continues this morning as he dutifully types up an event featuring one of JLS and puts it on his pages.

Obviously, a story with Aston Merrygold isn't really a story at all - no matter how eager to please Simon Cowell the Bizarre team are, they have to have something to convince people that this isn't just an advertising feature reminding people that JLS exist.

How about if they throw in Jade Ewen? Yes you do... she didn't win Eurovision, and then managed a number 27 hit with the song. And - how fortunate! - she's just a couple of weeks away from releasing her debut album, just as JLS are preparing their debut album release, too. Why, you might have thought these two would have better things to do than go out on dates together - shouldn't they be busy arranging paper-thin stunts to get their names in the paper to try and promote their respective releases instead?

The trouble is, even the thought of Aspin Merrymeade and the other Jade going out to stand in front of cameras for an evening isn't going to convince observers that this is a story. Gordon, call on your powers: can you make this an exciting gossip story - perhaps by working in a glittery party with a genuine celebrity?

ASTON MERRYGOLD snubbed CALVIN HARRIS's album launch party to take JADE EWEN out for dinner.

Other famous people they weren't near at the time include Shirley Bassey, The Queen, and Kasabian.