For some reason, both in the paper and web version of Bizarre, the lead... well, let's say "story", shall we? The lead story is an offer from Carlos Tevez to teach Noel Gallagher latin dance.
Tevez and his brother Diego are Buenos Aires' answer to The Gallaghers, notching up a bit of chart success in their homeland with hit single Lose Your Control a few years back.
God, I don't like Oasis much, but that's a low jibe. Surely a pair of footballers having one hit makes them more akin to Hoddle & Waddle than Oasis?
If that's not Oasis being stretched thin enough, there's a secondary report about Noel Gallagher. And the U2 aftershow.
The picture says it all:
Surprising that Gordon has all those Photoshop Boffins he's always talking about, and yet doesn't seem to know anyone who can do redeye removal. Unless his eyes really are that colour.
Elsewhere, Noel Fielding has supposedly been axed as team captain on Never Mind The Buzzcocks following some sort of 'young man takes drugs' story at the weekend:
But when details of his drug taking emerged over the weekend, Beeb top brass withdrew the offer.
The Mighty Boosh funny man confessed on Sunday that over the past couple of years he had become a heavy cocaine user as his fame grew, but stressed he'd put his wild days behind him.
It seems a little unlikely that the BBC would have moved with that sort of speed. On a Sunday. And in such a definitive direction.
Oddly, the only reports that Fielding was to be a captain on the new series came, erm, from The Sun in the first place.