The nation holds its collective breath as news reaches Gordon that Kasabian are unwell:
KASABIAN have been rocked by a swine flu outbreak on tour.
Swine flu, eh?
Speaking from his Sydney hotel room, SERGE PIZZORNO said: "We're all sick as dogs, man. It's pretty terrible. It's a bit of a virus that we picked up in Japan."
So is it swine flu or "a bit of a virus"?
Gordon;s insistence that it's swine flu seems purely there to set up what I think is meant to be a punchline of some sort:
When the Rolling Stones were on tour during their pomp, they often came down with something similar - line flu.
I don't know what makes my head hurt more - the weak drug pun, or the desperate attempt to try and force Tom Meighan having the snuffles in to some sort of debauched rock history frame.
Elsewhere in Gordon's pages today: man catches bus.