Since she departed from the Sunday Mirror, you might have been wondering what's been up with Zoe Griffin, showbiz Zoe out the the Zoe Showbiz column.
You'll be thrilled to hear that - just like Doonesbury's most dull character, Rick Redfern - she's launched a blog to carry the quality journalism that used to appear in the newspaper. There's a helpful 'who am I' panel at the side, which I believe replicates the post-it note that Zoe carries with her at all times to remind her who she is:
I am the UK’s coolest party girl. I only go to the best parties and I am at the heart of the action when I’m there.
I don’t get starstruck by celebrities because I’ve met all of the biggest stars already.
The Baftas? The Brits? The MOBOs? MTV Awards? Fashion Week? Been there and done that several times.
I go out to have fun, dress up, sip a glass of Champagne and report back to tell everyone else what it’s really like in the VIP crowd.
Oh, dear. Still, she'll probably put down the sound of a nation laughing as being because they're just jealous.
Today, Zoe reports back on U2 at Wembley:
All, I can say is if you weren’t at the U2 gig at Wembley stadium last night then why the hell not?
Because you don't like U2? Because you're not prepared to pay the preposterous ticket price to see a band some twenty years South of their best? Because you've got tickets for one of the other nights? Because you had something better to do? Because you sent Zoe Griffin to be at the centre of things on your behalf? Or simply because you heard Zoe Griffin was going to be there?
Anyway, Zoe shows her skill in conjuring a scene with just a few words:
And what an entrance - the stage looked like an aliens space ship billowing smoke. Haven’t seen a gig this elaborate in ages.
Lesser writers might have just said space ship; those with subeditors might have said alien's spaceship. But not Zoe - she doesn't want to leave her readers in any doubt that the spaceship from which U2 emerged was not of this planet. In case you thought it was just a crappy sputnik or something.
That's pretty much it for the review - I'm not quite sure this tells me what it would have been like to have been in that VIP crowd of 80,000 people, but there are some photos. With captions. Oh, what captions:
Bono starts off rocking
The Edge manages to rock in a beanie hat
Given that wearing a beanie hat is his trademark, and rocking is - for want of a better word - his job when he's not running building project - is that entirely surprising?
Still. Bono was rocking. The Edge, he too was rocking. What of the others?
Adam Clayton checks he's still rocking - he was!
Adam Clayton was rocking as well? That's lucky.
And the other one?
Larry Mullen Jr controls the background
Not rocking, then? Actually, what does "controls the background" mean? (It's a photo of him drumming, unsurprisingly enough.) Is it just Zoe didn't have anyone to ask what the funny things he was sitting behind were? Or was he actually controlling the backgrounds, having abandoned percussion for making sure the curtains rise and fall properly?
Sadly, Zoe doesn't tell us.