Did Tom Jones mention he knew Elvis?

With a new series of The Voice about to start - with, apparently, a bizarre cameo appearance from our old friend Showbiz With Zoe Showbiz Griffin's Zoe Showbiz Griffin - the artists are doing their warm ups.

For Tom Jones, this means running out some name-dropping practice:

Speaking to radio station Magic 105.4, Tom said: ''I knew Frank Sinatra and Elvis Presley very well.

''I did an album of Frank Sinatra type things and Elvis listened and said, 'Tom I heard that thing' and I said ... 'Yeah and?' Elvis said, 'We leave that to Frank Sinatra, we don't go there'.''

'No, seriously, Tom, don't go there. I did a song that I did a 'scoobydoobydoo' bit in, and the next morning two of my cars were burned out and there was a bullet in my mailbox. Seriously, Tom. Leave. It. To. Frank.'

Fortunately, knowing Frank Sinatra really well as well, as Tom did, there was a balancing view:

But the 73-year-old star said Frank was complimentary about people comparing Tom to him and wanted him to step into his shoes, as long as he didn't record rock music.

Tom recalled: ''Then, when I do something a little more rocky, Frank would say: 'Tom, when I go and they [management] ask me who could replace me, I say you! So don't go making records like that!'.''

This must have been tricky for Tom. Elvis - who he knew well - saying one thing. Sinatra - who (did he mention?) he knew well - offering a different opinion.

Fortunately, Tom was able to find a third way by capturing the 'butternut squash with a face drawn on doing sex songs' market for himself.

Showbiz Zoe with Zoe Showbiz goes to Romford

You'll remember Zoe Griffin, the former Sunday Mirror showbiz writer who now... well, you remember her.

Let's catch up with her "live like a VIP" blog where, yesterday, she went to a shopping centre in Essex to watch some people from a gameshow do a PA. That's less living like a VIP, more like living like someone on their way to Greggs to pick up lunch.

The PA was from Little Mix, off the current series of X Factors. You'll recall they used to have a different name. Zoe certainly does:

The band, who had to change their name from Rhythmix to avoid trouble with a long-established charity with the same name (don’t mess with do-gooders), bounded on stage to rapturous applause at the shopping centre.

"Don't mess with do-gooders" - what a nasty, sneery way of dismissing a charity which has been doing good work with young people for years. There's an implication ("to avoid trouble") that this was some sort of good-natured tussle, rather than a case of the band having to change their name because it refused to roll over simply because Simon Cowell attempted to bulldoze their name off of them. Griffin conjures a vision of angry do-gooders rather than good people having their work disrupted by an entertainment programme which thought its marketing needs were more important than people who help people.

Still, fair play to Zoe for pointing out the fundamental flaw in the day:

After the gig came the signings. As the band don’t actually have any material of their own yet, it made this particular part of the day a bit difficult.

At least they've got a name of their own, I guess. Or rather are able to use a trademark owned by Simon Cowell.

Griffin done... Big faces

Zoe asks the questions that otherwise would be happily unasked:

Are X factor fans crazier than fans of all other TV shows?

No, Zoe. They're not. But carry on.

Last night, supporters of awful, tone deaf Irish twins John and Edward went to Simon Cowell’s SyCo record label offices in West London and projected the boys faces onto the building.

That must have cost a fortune (I know because I was looking into getting my own face onto the venue where I held my party)

I think you can get this sort of thing done for £45 or so; all you really need is a projector and a power source.

Still, you've got to love the glimpse inside Griffin's mind: projecting her own massive face onto the side of a building hosting her own party. Is it just me, or is that a little bit showy?

Griffin done... Christmas

Zoe Griffin announces that Jim Carrey is going to be in London today. But that's not really what's on Zoe's mind:

I really don’t get the fuss over Carrey but I am glad that the word Christmas is still in use - there has been way too much political correctness and ridiculous suggestions we call this time Winter Festival.

And they won't let you call a binbag a black bag any more, you know, and they're going to force everyone's grandma to be replaced by a black lesbian who knows all the health and safety rules.

Are you really that gullible, Zoe?

Griffin done... Harrods Lights

Dannii Minogue has switched on the Harrods Christmas lights, and Zoe Griffin was there to see it. She was a little disappointed:

They’re green because it’s a Wizard of Oz theme, which doesn’t excite me that much because a London shop should have more of a London theme.

Has Griffin ever been inside Harrods and seen the Egyptian elevator? And does she think that Oz is a real place - like Manchester or something?

But Dannii Minogue loses all of her calm as she grins manically as she pushed the button to turn them on with a young boy from Great Ormond Street Hospital.

Let's be fair: we all know what she means, don't we?

Griffin done... David Cameron

Oh, lord help us. Zoe Griffin has gone all political on us:

I don’t write that much about politcs, but I am shocked by the Mirror’s front page ’scandal’ of David Cameron holding a glass of Champagne at the Conservative party conference in Manchester.

You mean after all the briefings in advance of the conference have been stressing how the Tories aren't at all triumphant and won't be seen guzzling champers while cutting public spending and grabbing money back from benefits?

You don't think it's a strong visual metaphor which deftly deflates George Osbourne's claims that "we're all in this together"?

Ok, the photo was taken on the day that Tory chancellor George Osborne announced economic policy, but was there nothing else happening in the world that merited front page news?

Yes, couldn't the Mirror have picked up on one of the other stories you carry, Zoe, like a free dress you got or one of Girls Aloud having their photo taken?

Firstly, Cameron was photographed at The Spectator magazine party. That is a magazine whose tagline is ‘Champagne for the brain’. The magazine publishers bought the Champagne and handed it to Cameron - he didn’t pay for it himself. And is he drinking it? No! He’s holding it!

Ah, yes. It's better if he guzzles someone else's champagne, because that makes it alright. Obviously, if you receive benefits without working, that's bad, but champagne is fine.

And he's only holding it. How do we even know he's going to drink it? He could be about to stride to the sinks and pour the stuff away. Or he might be about to give it to a homeless person on a bicycle.

Secondly, the alleged scandal comes from the fact that George Osborne announced plans to bring in a one year pay freeze for public sector workers. However, what they also need to point out is people earning under £18K will be exempt from the ban. Plus there will be direct cuts to ministers’ pay.

Given that most of the Tory front bench have already amassed fortunes, they can afford the odd cut in their own wages. And it's not just public sector workers who are having their money reduced in real terms by Osbourne's plans - what about the people on incapacity benefit who are going to be forced back onto JSA, losing twenty five quid a week?

Thirdly, when you really look at Osborne’s speech he didn’t actually spell out HOW he would get the economic deficit under control. If The Mirror wanted to have a go at anyone, they should have directly challenged Osborne.

Well, perhaps they should. But given how dumb the tabloids have got - in part because they've employed slews of simpering idiots to write about Lily Allen's hemlines instead of investing in their political coverage - a front page of detailed economic analysis isn't going to play well, is it? One with words on?

FINALLY, I like a leader who enjoys the finer things in life like Champagne. Why drink beer when you can have Champagne?

Because the theme of the conference is meant to be avoiding looking triumphant and pretending that we're all going to have difficult times ahead.

Tip Of The Day: Don’t criticise unless you have all the facts!

Perhaps Zoe is being satirical.

Griffin done... The Holloways

Good news, everybody: Zoe Griffin is breaking into TV. Well, IPTV, but everyone has to start somewhere, right?

She's going to be on Jack TV:

My first interview for the channel is with Indie band The Hollyways and I am un-characteristically cheeky with them ;)

Tip of the day: JACK TV!!!

Emoticons and multiple exclamation points? Really?

Still, I'm really excited to see The Hollyways being interviewed. I've not even heard of them. Perhaps if jack TV takes off they might get guests with a bit of a higher profile, like The Holloways. But you have to start somewhere, don't you?

Griffin done... Manchester

Zoe Griffin returns to (or, rather, gets some photos taken in) Manchester, and returns to her theme about how Manchester is where it's at:

Earlier this week, I argued Manchester was giving London competition for nightclubs and partying and I stick by that. Forget about Oasis splitting up - the Gallagher brothers have lived down South in posh Hampstead and Surrey for years.

So it's a place so cool that it's most famous sons, erm, went to live somewhere else? You make a compelling case, Zoe.

But she does have a photo of Katie Price in Manchester, so it's not like she can't back up her claims.

Check out how drunk she is!

Ha ha ha, she can't stand up. Hilariously liver-killing. Check it out indeed.

Griffin done... going north

With the Oasis era coming to an end, what better time for Zoe Griffin to suddenly declare Manchester 'cool'?

It would seem that if you want to celeb spot then forget going to London, Manchester is the new place to go!

It's only taken, what, twenty years for news of The Happy Mondays to filter through to Zoe Griffin's newsbucket. That almost qualifies as breaking news round those parts.

Manchester was the place to be with Corrie Stars and page three models watching a charity concert at Salford’s Lowry Theatre by Blazin Squad and X Factor star Andy Abrahams.

Whoever thought you'd see actors who work on a series set and made in Manchester actually in Manchester? Or, indeed, Blazin' Squad at a Blazin' Squad gig? (If Blazin Squad actually counts as "celeb" spotting in 2009.)

Later today, I'm expecting Zoe to discover that you might spot The Kings Of Leon in Leeds.

Griffin done: JLS

The weak attempts to try and make JLS seem interesting continue. Consisting of "they drink alcohol" and "they drive cars", the pitch seems to be to try and cast them in the way that a 15 year-old might talk about a boyfriend in the upper sixth. Clearly, Gordon Smart is on board, but who else would fall for such a proposition?

Hello, Zoe Griffin. How are you?

I ran into the boys at last nights MOBO nominations awards launch and they were yet again showing us all how to have a good time.

They didn’t even look hungover from the previous nights antics (Alexandra Burke’s birthday).

The boys have been flashing their new found cash so much recently it seems there management have told them to curve their spending!

But this wont stop the younger singers, they’ve managed to get [a booze company] tequila to give them a £3000 bottle of tequila each!

Looks like we’re still going to seeing a lot of JLS on the party scene.

Can we just take the repeated need for "sic" as read there? And instead just wonder if Zoe has paused to consider why, when she's the one giving the Tequila company the free plug, it's the gameshow New Edition who get the free booze?

Griffin done... the V festival again

Zoe Griffin hails the genius of Lily Allen:

Leggy Lily Allen brilliantly combines old stuff (LDN) with new (22) at V Festival.

Brilliant! Wherever did she get the idea for playing some of the old stuff everyone likes with some of the new stuff nobody's as keen on, eh? Let's hope Allen is smart enough to patent that brilliant idea. But she will be because she's brilliant, isn't she? Brilliant.

Griffin done... the V festival

Zoe Griffin has gone to the V Festival - happily, she doesn't bother to mention which of the two locations she's at. And it's a triumph for her journalistic and organisational skills:

I caught an intimate gig by Melbourne rockers Jet in the Absolute Radio VIP area almost by accident - but I loved the Are You Going to Be My Girl group.

The Absolute Radio VIP area is the only place in the festival to catch live music, but I have to confess I only discovered that when I had tried all the free stuff in the other VIP area.

I suspect she means "it's the only place" in the sense of "daaahling, it's the only place one would go", but there is a real possibility that she's spent so long hanging round the free bar she hasn't noticed that there are a load of other stages with bands playing on them.

Still, nice to see that she views these events as a chance to freeload as much as humanely possible.

Jet played an acoustic set to a chilled out crowd including Girls Aloud’s Kimberly Walsh (as the Absolute radio area is the place to go when you don’t want people to hassle you). Wish I’d found the space earlier as there were hammocks to chill in!

It must be nice that Zoe has found a place where she won't be hassled, isn't it?

And how delightful for the suckers who paid the £130 to get in to discover that the best sets are being played in a roped-off area they can't get to. Perhaps next year they could print a note on each ticket showing what proportion of the price is going towards funding the likes of Griffin's jollies.

[UPDATE: To be fair to Zoe, there turns out to be a stream of posts of badly-taken pictures of her with people who were famous-ish in the past, and she does reveal she's at Essex in those.]

Griffin done... portion control

Time to check in with Zoe Griffin, "the UK’s coolest party girl." This morning she's thinking about, erm, tappas:

When you order a selection of bread, olives, chorizo, calamari and patatas bravas etc, you may think it is all quite healthy but you never know exactly how much to order. And I hate wasting food, so I always end up trying to eat it all.

Isn't eating something you're not enjoying wasting food - it's not like forcing down an extra portion of squid is going to put its tentacles back and release it into the sea.

And does anyone really have trouble ordering tappas? Isn't a generally useful rule of thumb to get three items, plus a bread, and if that turns out not to be enough you can order some more?

Still, Zoe has some advice:

Tip of The Day: It’s way less stressful - and better for you - to go to restaurants that serve full meals on plates.

I don't know about you, but I'm going to write that on a Post-It note and stick it somewhere I can always see it.

So: Zoe is never starstruck by celebrities, but can be brought down by some olives and feta.

Whatever happened to Zoe Griffin? U2

Since she departed from the Sunday Mirror, you might have been wondering what's been up with Zoe Griffin, showbiz Zoe out the the Zoe Showbiz column.

You'll be thrilled to hear that - just like Doonesbury's most dull character, Rick Redfern - she's launched a blog to carry the quality journalism that used to appear in the newspaper. There's a helpful 'who am I' panel at the side, which I believe replicates the post-it note that Zoe carries with her at all times to remind her who she is:

I am the UK’s coolest party girl. I only go to the best parties and I am at the heart of the action when I’m there.

I don’t get starstruck by celebrities because I’ve met all of the biggest stars already.

The Baftas? The Brits? The MOBOs? MTV Awards? Fashion Week? Been there and done that several times.

I go out to have fun, dress up, sip a glass of Champagne and report back to tell everyone else what it’s really like in the VIP crowd.

Oh, dear. Still, she'll probably put down the sound of a nation laughing as being because they're just jealous.

Today, Zoe reports back on U2 at Wembley:

All, I can say is if you weren’t at the U2 gig at Wembley stadium last night then why the hell not?

Because you don't like U2? Because you're not prepared to pay the preposterous ticket price to see a band some twenty years South of their best? Because you've got tickets for one of the other nights? Because you had something better to do? Because you sent Zoe Griffin to be at the centre of things on your behalf? Or simply because you heard Zoe Griffin was going to be there?

Anyway, Zoe shows her skill in conjuring a scene with just a few words:

And what an entrance - the stage looked like an aliens space ship billowing smoke. Haven’t seen a gig this elaborate in ages.

Lesser writers might have just said space ship; those with subeditors might have said alien's spaceship. But not Zoe - she doesn't want to leave her readers in any doubt that the spaceship from which U2 emerged was not of this planet. In case you thought it was just a crappy sputnik or something.

That's pretty much it for the review - I'm not quite sure this tells me what it would have been like to have been in that VIP crowd of 80,000 people, but there are some photos. With captions. Oh, what captions:

Bono starts off rocking

The Edge manages to rock in a beanie hat

Given that wearing a beanie hat is his trademark, and rocking is - for want of a better word - his job when he's not running building project - is that entirely surprising?

Still. Bono was rocking. The Edge, he too was rocking. What of the others?

Adam Clayton checks he's still rocking - he was!

Adam Clayton was rocking as well? That's lucky.

And the other one?

Larry Mullen Jr controls the background

Not rocking, then? Actually, what does "controls the background" mean? (It's a photo of him drumming, unsurprisingly enough.) Is it just Zoe didn't have anyone to ask what the funny things he was sitting behind were? Or was he actually controlling the backgrounds, having abandoned percussion for making sure the curtains rise and fall properly?

Sadly, Zoe doesn't tell us.