Is there anything more patronising in today's papers than Gordon Smart patting Lynval Golding on the head for having a cheap meal?
THE IVY, Nobu or Cipriani - posh London restaurants where you expect to see celebs tucking into some post-awards bash grub.
But THE SPECIALS legend LYNVAL GOLDING opted for a £7.99 all-you-can-eat buffet back in Coventry after his band picked up The Q Inspiration Award.
What a lord.
Does Gordon realise that the phrase "what a lord" doesn't really sound like praise, and sounds more like what people say when they read one of Gordon's columns?
And why is Gordon suddenly applauding a frugal approach?
That's a lesson to the next generation. Just weeks ago I rumbled JLS with a £6,000 bar bill after a night on the pull.
Talk about Too Much Too Young. I'm sure they'd find a much higher standard of future wife at their nearest Taybarns.
Well, "rumbled" in the sense of "ran a story about".
But this story isn't really about Lynval, or even about JLS (God, how did they even get in here?) No, the story is about one thing. Again. Or rather two:
I spoke to Amy at the awards and she was the most lucid and healthy I have seen her for ages.
We even had a chuckle about her new knockers. But later she posted Facebook messages for Blake, saying: "See you when you know when. Can't wait to be all gentle and nasty."
Yes, Gordon is still going on about Amy's breasts.
Still, it's not like Gordon's obsessed with Amy Winehouse's tits.
KATE MOSS unveils her biggest-ever Christmas fashion range for Topshop - and is busting to display a couple of crackers into the bargain.
The supermodel, 35, looked curvy in a low-cut sequined dress as she showed off her collection for the high street chain.
He's just obsessed with any breasts.