Dan Wootton is bloody thrilled to have an exclusive chat with Westlife this morning:
WESTLIFE launch their mega comeback on X Factor tonight and a certain Mr COWELL will be watching very closely.
Determined to knock TAKE THAT from their best band perch, he's personally overseen every aspect of the Irish lads' relaunch, even what threads they wear.
Megacomeback? Have they actually been away? Don't you have to at least pretend to go away before you can have a comeback? They even did the last bloody series of The X Factor, didn't they?
There's something of an air of self-delusion hanging over the entire project:
Nicky said: "Simon's competitive about it. We're his Take That. We don't want to be second best."
Woah, Nicky. Before you start aiming for second best, why not have a crack at trying to be the 39,647,323rd best?
Because you're not Simon Cowell's Take That. You're Louis Walsh's other Boyzone.
"For years when they were off the scene we had it all to ourselves. So we had to come back with a strong song.
"We were the grand-dads of pop. Now they're back we're the babies again."
It doesn't really work like that, does it? The return of Take That doesn't suddenly rejuvenate you, it just throws into ever stronger relief the painful, pedestrian, lack of life that characterises your music, boys.