Helping Haiti: Damon offers a tune

Let's just absorb the announcement this morning that Simon Cowell's Downing Street-mandated Haiti single will feature JLS and Leona Lewis struggling against REM's Everybody Hurts (because if you've got a building fallen on your head, being told that everyone gets a bit upset at times will make you feel so much better).

Absorbed that? We're building a machine in our back garden that will measure just how toxic an idea has to get before the "it's for charity" goodwill protective cover rips to shreds.

A more interesting way to raise funds - albeit one that won't raise quite so much - comes from Damon Albarn, auctioning off a song. Yes, if you win the auction, he'll write a song all about.

Current bids stand at £770, which is a lot less than it cost Justine Frischmann - but she did get a whole album's worth.