Thursday, March 25, 2010

Gordon in the morning: Noel Gallagher has a lot in common with David Cameron

There's going to be another Gallagher child, as Noel is about to become a Daddy again. We can only be thankful that the pain he was telling the Canadian courts about yesterday didn't interfere with that.

Given that all he has is 'Noel and Sara are expecting', Gordon goes to extremes to fill in a story about this. Luckily, he doesn't get his Photoshop guys to mock up the moment of conception. Instead, he reaches for "a source":

A source said: "Noel and Sara are over the moon. They're so happy that Donovan will have a little partner in crime to play with. Their family is complete.

"Their pals have been joking that Nelson is a frontrunner on names as they think the baby was conceived on a holiday to South Africa."

Got to love the "their family is complete" bit - because that's exactly the sort of thing you say to other people at the start of a pregnancy. "If anyone asks, tell them our family is complete."

But what's this about Nelson? It turns out it's something that's been made up purely to allow a punning headline:
Noels Son Mandela

- which would only be clever if the baby had been going to be called Nelson. As it is, Gordon doesn't really have any reason to expect it's going to be a boy.

Still, if there's one thing Gordon knows about, it's Noel Gallagher:
Noel - who has a daughter Anais, ten, from a previous relationship - has been taking a break from the limelight since Oasis split last summer.

Smart does admit that this break includes playing two gigs at the Royal Albert Hall, but also seems to have missed the whole 'making an advert for tennis shoes', announcing a new solo project, and attempting to take the focus off Kasabian at the WarChild post-Brits gig, and giving a statement about being pushed over to the courts, and offering support to the World Cup bid and...


electroweb said...

Actually, the joke only really works if it was going to be called Mandela.

James said...

Yep - It might even have been marginally less painful if he'd pretended they were going to call him Callum, which at least would've let him use 'Noel's Son's Callum', which sounds a bit like 'Nelson's Column', if you squint your ears. Still, I suppose we should be grateful Gordon spared us the usual space-filling "Here are the top ten Oasis songs Noel could play him.
10: Pram-pagne Supernova,
9: The Importance of Being Cradle,
8: Wonderwail (like a baby wailing),
7: Cot-ever (like 'Whatever', but with a cot),
6: The Master-pram,
5: Stop Crying Your Heart Out (like a baby crying, and that's the title anyway. Hang on, subs, make this number 10 and put that shit Master-pram one further down),
4: Little By Little (like babies are little),
3: Definitely Baby (balls, should've used this for the headline, instead of making up all that Nelson bollocks. And it's not even a song. Hope no-one notices),
2: Morning Nappy (Glory),
1: Pram By Me"

Anonymous said...

oh come on, i like this blog and hate oasis/kasabina, but i was at that gig and didnt even realise noel was ther euntil gordy reported it the day after

Paul Wells said...

James - I hope you copyrighted that list, otherwise it'll probably be in tomorrow's Bizarre...

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