Gordon in the morning: Robbie Williams stays at home

Robbie Williams is - according to Gordon - being pushed to go out on tour:

ROBBIE WILLIAMS is locking horns with management about touring at the end of the year.

The pop superstar is still not sure if he wants to go on the road, but bosses have already begun finalising plans.

Smart spends time wandering through the question of should Robbie tour, even going down to writing a list of pros and cons:

The pros: the buzz of being on the road, millions of fans screaming your name, plus mountains of cash.

The cons: stage fright, the stress of being on the road, missing the dogs and LA lifestyle and putting on hold DVD nights with the cracking missus.

Smart is so quick to get to this bit that he manages to miss the twin stories.

The first being that Williams' stage fright might be amplified by the fear that he'd be playing to half-empty rooms: sales of the last album have been a little up on Rudebox, but still well adrift of what he'd once have expected; even with the heft of Sport Relief behind it, Morning Sun stalled outside the Top 40. Why would you rush to tour when there's a chance even a half-empty room would empty out long before the tubes stop running?

The bigger story, of course, is who these 'bosses' are who are - if Smart is to be believed - pushing Williams into touring against his worries for his mental health. As you'll recall, Williams signed a 360 deal with EMI back in 2002. Reality Killed The Radio Star is the last album under that deal, and - presumably - the last time EMI can expect to get a portion of Robbie's ticket sales. No wonder they're keen to have him out on the road, bringing in much-needed cash, regardless of how sensible it would be for him to do so.

Elsewhere, Robert Pattinson, out of The Buffy Babies, manages to pull off being both offensive and self-important:

The actor, dubbed R-Patz by fans, had his eyebrows plucked and has been plastered in make-up.

He said: "You get to the point where you think, 'OK, I look like a transvestite now'."

No you don't, sweetheart. You look like a thirty year-old trying to pass themselves off as a High Schooler, who has confused the words 'smoulder' with 'squint'.